Saturday, December 26, 2009

week (sweet) 16

marking the NFLs transition from the innocence of its regular season to the full-fledged debauchery of the post season. i really should stay away but i can't help it. here's some of what i'll be playing with real money in some form...

known associate:
Ravens @ Steelers Over 42.5
reputation and public perception must be the reason for this total. these aint you're usual balt or pitt defenses. ditto for the offenses.
(bal 20 - pit 23, W)
Texans +1 @ Dolphins
houston offense matches up well with miami defense which presents decent value on the dog, especially at the line here in tahoe (+3)
(hou 27 - mia 20, W)
49ers -14 vs. Lions
i'm kinda iffy on this even at the line i got (-12) but i figure the sf defense is good for at least one score. and ass smith is still playing for a 2010 job.
(sf 20 - det 14, push)

(week 2-0-1, season 28-18-2)


billy rubin:

the only real money i have on the line are the three fantasy football championships i'm in today, and the two third place games i'm playing as well. just wanted to brag a bit, here are my picks:

Saints - 14 vs. Buccaneers
the saints will win for sure, but once they lock this game up the backups might start trickling onto the field. the saints D isn't what it was earlier this season either. all of that seems to point to the bucs beating the spread, but i'm stubborn and i'll rely on my season-long maxim of betting against the bucs.
(Saints 17, Buccaneers 20 L)
Raiders @ Browns under 37
the browns tore up the chiefs in a barn burner last week, but this is still a showdown of crappy teams and i think overall ineptitude will prevail today.
(Raiders 9, Browns 23 W)
49ers -14 vs. Lions
homer pick of the week.
(49ers 20, Lions 6 Push)

(Week 1-1-1, Season 24-23-1)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Week 15 - Fantasy Semifinals

Here are our Week 15 picks. Known Associate ain't waking up on time I'm picking myself in our two fantasy playoff matchups this week!

In more relevant news, here are our picks:


Billy Rubin:

Packers +2.5 @ Steelers
I don't see how this doesn't happen.
(Steelers 37, Packers 36 W)

Cardinals - 14 @ Lions
I really hope the crappy Cardinals show up today and lose so the Niners can stay alive, but even the crappy Cardinals should beat the Lions by more than two scores.
(Cardinals 31, Lions 24 L)

Chiefs -1 vs. Browns
Another epic battle of crappiness. Dwayne Bowe is back and I think that's the deciding factor in this game...and hopefully in another one of my fantasy playoff games.
(Browns 41, Chiefs 34 L)

(Week 1-2, Season 23-22)


man i been up since 9:18am, hungover. i ain't losing to no billy rubin.

known associate:
Browns +1 @ Chiefs
that nig cribbs fresh.
(cle 41 - kc 34, W)
Packers +2.5 @ Steelers
vegas must know something i don't.
(pit 37 - gb 36, W)
Buccaneers @ Seahawks Under 39
the bucs defense has improved. the bucs offense hasn't.
(tb 24 - sea 7, W)

(week 3-0, season 26-18-1)

back to sleep.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Clever Title About Week 14 Picks

Here are our picks for Week 14 in the 2009-10 NFL season.


Billy Rubin:

Dolphins +1 @ Jaguars
(Dolphins 14, Jaguars 10 W)
Redskins +1 @ Raiders
(Redskins 34, Raiders 13 W)
Jets @ Buccaneers over 36.5
(Jets 26, Buccaneers 3 L)

(Week 2-1, Season 22-20)


Known Associate:
these picks are a bit late but I was busy putting actual money on them. i'm using the lines from the bookie dude.

Saints -10.5 at Falcons
(no 26 - atl 23, L)
Packers -5 at Bears
(gb 21 - chi 14, W)
Texans -7 vs Seahawks
(hou 34 - sea 7, W)

(week 2-1, season 23-18-1)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Lucky #13

Here are our picks for Week 13 in the NFL.


Billy Rubin:

Panthers -3.5 vs. Buccaneers
Even Matt Moore should be able to beat the Bucs.
(Panters 16, Buccaneers 6 W)

Patriots -4.5 @ Dolphins
For once, I agree that Tom Brady's handsomeness will prevail.
(Patriots 21, Dolphins 22 L)

Browns +13.5 vs. Chargers
Go poop!
(Browns 23, Chargers 30 W)

(Week 2-1, Season 20-19)


known associate:
I missed out on Tom Brady's handsomeness. Tony Romo, Alex Smith and Aaron Rodgers will have to suffice.
Cowboys -1 vs. Giants
(dal 24 - nyg 31, L)
49ers -1 at Seahawks
(sf 17 - sea 20, L. thank you, coach singletary.)
Packers -3.5 vs. Ravens
(gb 27 - bal 14, w)

(week 1-2, season 21-17-1)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

week 12

Titans -3 vs. Cardinals
(ten 20 - az 17, push)
Vikings -10 vs. Bears
(min 36 - chi 10, W)
Patriots +1 at Saints
(ne 17 - no 38, L)

(week 1-1-1, season 20-15-1)


Billy Rubin:

I was too busy yesterday to post any picks, so I'm making picks for MNF and this week's Thursday night game, which isn't part of Week 12, but will have to do for our purposes.

Patriots +1 @ Saints
Patriots @ Saints under 57
(Patriots 17, Saints 38 L & W)
Bills +1 vs. Jets
(Bills 13, Jets 19 L)

(Week 1-2, Season 18-18)


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Semana Once

Looks like we're just barely gonna get these in:

Billy Rubin:

Lions -3.5 vs. Browns
The Lions are the best of the shittiest teams, at least today. They actually have some talent on their roster. Cleveland has some dudes with first and last names on its roster.
(Lions 38, Browns 37 L)

Saints -10.5 @ Buccaneers
Once again, you can't go wrong going against the Bucs...unless you did in Week 9.
(Saints 38, Buccaneers 7 W)

Bengals -9.5 @ Raiders
I can beat the Raiders by 10.
(Bengals 17, Raiders 20 L)

(Week 1-2, Season 17-16)


known associate:

Cardinals/Rams over 46.5
(az 21 - stl 13, L)
Eagles -3.5 @ Bears
(phi 24 - chi 20, W)
Patriots -10.5 vs. Jets

(ne 31 - nyj 14, W)

(week 2-1, season 19-14)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

week 10

c'mon now Pretty Boy, don't duck The Destroyer.
as for NFL...

Known Associate:
Eagles -1 at Chargers
(phi 23 - sd 31, L)
Cowboys -3 at Packers
(dal 7 - gb 17, L)
Patriots-Colts over 48
(ne 34 - ind 35, W)

(week 1-2, season 17-13)

Getting the internet in the Dominican is tougher than you'd think. Even though I'm four hours ahead of Known Associate and Not Your Type, I'm just getting around to posting my picks now. I also don't want to risk running up my iphone bill, so I'm using the Caesers/Harrahs/Rio odds from That said, here are my picks:

Patriots @ Colts over 48
(Patriots 34, Colts 35 W)

Ravens -11 @ Browns
Ravens @ Browns under 39.5
(Ravens 16, Browns 0 W & W)

(Week 3-0, Season 16-14)


Sunday, November 8, 2009

I Like the Way They Dribble Up and Down the Court

As our handful of readers already know (if there are even that many), the contributors to this blog are some major fantasy sports nerds. I may be the nerdiest of them all. Every year I try to make my own statistical projections for baseball, football and basketball. Usually, work and nobody else in my life sharing my nerdiness works against me and I rarely complete my projections to my own satisfaction. This year, I budgeted my time a little better, or worse depending on your point of view, and I am pretty pleased with both my football and basketball projections. 

It's a little too late to post my football projections, and, while anybody who may stumble upon this probably has already had their fantasy basketball drafts, and definitely shouldn't rely on my projections if they haven't, the NBA season is young enough that I feel it is still somewhat relevant to post my projections. I won't go through the silly bullshit I do to convince myself that I'm arriving at objective conclusions, I'll just post the top 15 players at each position, based on position eligibility from Yahoo! Sports fantasy basketball, and then in mid-April we can all look back and laugh at how miserable my projections actually are. 

As some players qualify at multiple positions, I've expanded the rankings to top 20 for some positions to show as many unique players as possible. The players are sorted within a given position based on a weighting system that considers what I think someone typically would be looking for from that position in a standard nine-category head-to-head fantasy basketball league. So, blocks and rebounds aren't weighted too heavily for point guards, but assists and steals are. Likewise, rebounds and blocks are weighted heavily for power forward and centers, but assists and steals aren't. The rankings also give strong consideration to projected games played.

Here are my projections for point guard:

Nothing too exciting there. Some people may disagree with the specific rankings, since Steve Nash is so low, but he doesn't contribute much in the counting stats except for assists and three pointers. O.J. Mayo is probably higher than most people would think, and certainly higher than most people who know me would expect, but he really only hurts you in FG%, although it should be noted that he isn't a great source of assists at all. 

The following table shows my projections for the top 15 shooting guards:

Again, this is pretty much what you would expect at the top. I suppose some might disagree with Pierce being ahead of Granger, which is due to Pierce's better assist numbers. Also, Dwayne Wade is ranked lower than most would consider reasonable, but that's because of his mediocre FT% and the fact that he takes a bunch of free throws, and also because his rebounds and blocks aren't weighted that heavily in this group ranking.

Below are my projections for small forward:

And here are power forward projections:

Here are the final position rankings for centers:

Finally, here my projections for the top 10 rookies based on my rankings:

Note that Blake Griffin has the best per game averages, but is 7th because I projected only 54 games played for him. Based on the very early returns, it looks like I totally missed the boat on James Johnson.

There you go. Tune back in in April to see how bad these projections really are.

Image courtesy of

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Welcome to Week 9, it's so fi-yi-yine. Here are our picks:

Billy Rubin:

Dolphins +10.5 @ Patriots
I have no explanation for picking this, just going on my gut. In other words, I should lose this one.
(Dolphins 10, Patriots 27 W)

Packers -9.5 @ Buccaneers
If there's one thing I've learned this season, it's that you can always feel good betting against the Bucs.
(Packers 28, Buccaneers 38 L)

Texans @ Colts over 49.5
I'm a fool for these high overs.
(Texans 17, Colts 20 L)

(Week 1-2, Season 13-14)


known associate:

Steelers -1 @ Broncos
the Broncos' reality check continues.
(pit 28 - den 10, W)
Packers -9.5 @ Buccaneers
The Bucs don't have the pass rush to expose the weak Packers o-line.
(gb 28 - tb 38, L)
Patriots -10.5 vs. Dolphins
Tom Brady is too handsome.
(ne 27 - mia 17, L)

(week 1-2, season 16-11)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I Want to Pick More Sleep

Happy All Saints Day! Here are our picks for Week 8:

Billy Rubin

Lions -3.5 vs. Rams
Possible Super Bowl match-up. Roger Goodell is nutting in his pants over this premium game.
(Lion 10, Rams 17 L)

49ers +13 @ Colts
Because I hope it happens, and that's always a good impetus for betting.
(49ers 14, Colts 18 W)

Jaguars @ Titans over 44.5
The pretty terrible offenses will take advantage of the pretty terrible defenses.
(Jaguars 13, Titans 30 L)

(Week 1-2, Season 12-12)


known associate:

Dolphins +3.5 @ Jets
The Jets couldn't figure out the wildcat last time around.
(mia 30, nyj 25 W)

Jaguars +3 @ Titans
I'm betting against Vince Young.
(ten 30, jac 13 L)

Ravens -4.5 vs. Broncos
Good spot for the Ravens.
(bal 30, den 7 W)

(week 2-1, season 15-9)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Week 7, A little late, but nobody has scored yet...

Falcons +5 @ Cowboys
How about them Cowboys??

Bengals +1 vs. Bears
As Joe Montana's brother, Tony, would say, "She's a tiger."

Saints -6 @ Dolphins
The Saints will march into the ocean and cast their nets for tuna and catch them some Dolphins.

NFL Week 7

Known Associate:
Bears @ Bengals Over 42.5
(cin 45, chi 10 W)
Giants -7 vs. Cardinals
(az 24, nyg 17 L)
Saints @ Dolphins Under 48
(no 46, mia 34 L)

(week 1-2, season 13-8)

Billy Rubin:
Falcons +5 @ Cowboys
(Falcons 21, Cowboys 37 L)

Bears @ Bengals Over 42.5
(Bears 10, Bengals 45 W)

Eagles -7 @ Redskins
(Eagles 27, Redkins 17 W)

(Week 2-1, Season 11-10)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

NFL Weak 6, as opposed to Bionic 6, Picks

49ers are on bye this week because Roddy White ran circles around them and sent them into the speed-force.

Here are our picks:


Panthers -3 @ Bucs
Sex Panthers out-must the naturally BOey Bucs because 60% of the time, it works every time.

Ravens +3 @ Vikings
This is My Edgar Allan Poe pick of the week.

Eagles -14 @ Raiders
Blacked out in the Bay Area because 14 points makes children cry.

Chiefs @ Redskins
Somebody, somewhere, is offended by this game. Not the White Man, though. Beads and blankets for everybody!!!!


Billy Rubin

Eagles -14 @ Raiders
Randall Cunningham is looking real good these days, and word has it that Marcus Allen won't be available for the Raiders
(Eagles 9, Raiders 13 L)

Texans @ Bengals over 46
There'll be more passing here than when people who smoke drugs pass the drugs to each other after they take a puff of some of the drugs
(Texans 28, Bengals 17 L)

Panthers -3 @ Buccaneers
Kinda bad versus really bad.
(Panthers 28, Buccaneers 21 W)

(Week 1-2, Season 9-9)


known associate

these got deleted somehow...

Chiefs +6.5 @ Redskins
(kc 14, was 6 W)
Rams @ Jaguars over 42
(jac 23, stl 20 W, barely)
Eagles -14 @ Raiders

(oak 13, phi 9 L)

(week 2-1, season 12-6)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Four Songs I Love This Week

These are four songs I've listened to multiple times this week. No real reason why, they just make me happy right about now. It really should be five songs, but Tegan & Sara's latest song, "Hell", isn't on yet. I've listened to that song probably close to 100 times this week and I'm not tired of it yet. If you haven't heard it, go find it somewhere on the intronets...or you can wait until October 27 to buy the album.

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Unfortunately, this isn't a post about Full Force's greatest song ever. It is, however, a post about the stupidity of being a "faithful" fan of a pro sports team.

For better or worse, I'm a lifelong 49ers fan. As such, there were some really good times when I was kid during the 80s, and what is probably my favorite sports season of all time (the 1994-95 NFL Season) culminated in my fondest pro sports memory - watching the Niners' Super Bowl parade on Market Street while sitting on top of a Muni bus stop. Over the last decade or so things haven't been so great and I probably haven't been as vociferous a supporter of the franchise, which probably makes me a typical Niners fan. In fact, a common "insult" flung at Niners fans is that we're "fairweather fans", which has nothing to do with any songs by Johnny Gill. Quite often, the people tossing those insults around are fans of the other NFL team in the Bay Area. I think this is also a reflection of the common stereotype that Niners fans are from one tax bracket, while Raiders fans are from another altogether. I think the two are not entirely unrelated. Personally, I think being a "fairweather fan" reflects that a person is somewhat rational and intelligent, and doesn't blindly follow dysfunction and repeated failure against all common sense. I would tend to believe that living your life that way leads to more successes than failures, not that I necessarily know from experience.

Having said all that crap, the real reason I'm writing on this topic today is that the stupid Niners got raped by the Falcons today. This is the same 49ers team that took the Vikings, a consensus Super Bowl contender this year, to the limit. The nature of that loss to the Vikings broke a lot of fans' hearts, but it also reinforced the relatively common sentiment that the team was on the cusp of actually being a good football team. Then today happened. 

Today's game was truly awful in every regard. Either today was an anomaly, like the biggest anomaly ever in the history of anomalies; or we just witnessed the end of the smoke and mirrors Samuari Mike coaching experiment. The latter is inevitable, of course, but even the most cynical fan (me) wouldn't have suspected that the end would come in Week 5 of the 2009-10 NFL season. In reality, it is probably neither of the above scenarios, but a mix of the two. 

Surely, the Niners can't be this bad. Right? They beat the defending NFC champs. They hung with the Vikings. They annihilated the lowly Rams. But, I'm pretty much entirely convinced that Singletary isn't much of a head coach. He seems all cheerleader, and not much game planner. I've always thought that when the Niners were confronted with an imbalance in talent and/or coaching acumen, they would crumble like Mexican pastries. It seems that happened today. The defense couldn't handle Atlanta's talented offense at all. The entire team looked lackadaisical, unmotivated and completely unprepared. I fault the coaches for that. If Singeltary's strength is motivation, then he failed miserably. If he is supposed to be a disciplinarian, then he also failed miserably in that regard, as evidenced by Glen Coffee not being on the field for a crucial play in the first quarter, all the stupid penalties the Niners were flagged for, and Dre Bly's idiotic showboating after making an interception - near midfield.

This all brings me to the issue of being a "faithful" fan. This incarnation of the Niners has done nothing to inspire faith. Nobody in the organization has done anything in their professional careers that leads me to believe that this team will be successful. Not fat-faced, bratty Jed York. Not Scot McCloughan. Maybe if this was the 1980s and Singeltary was playing linebacker, but as a coach, Singletary hasn't really done anything. I'm not 100% sure, but have any players on the current roster had any success in the NFL in terms of winning games? Certainly none of the homegrown players have, and I can't really think of anyone brought in via free agency who comes from a winning organization. I could definitely be wrong about that, but I really don't feel like researching it right now. 

I will continue to watch all the games, likely from the comfort of my living room, and I'll hope that the team wins, but I will also continue to temper my hope with the reality that this team probably shouldn't win. Does that make me a bad fan? Maybe. Do I really care? Not at all. If the team loses, I can always say "I told you so", and I won't have to worry about being let down. If the team wins, I'll be there to bask in the glory and I'll be just as excited as all the "49er faithful". Leave faith and blind obedience to Raider Nation and the German citizenry of the 1930s. 

By the way, that term "49er faithful" is entirely manufactured by the Niners marketing folks to sell tickets and merchandise. Real Niners fans aren't faithful, we're smart.

Pick Dem Hoes: Week 5

Here are this week's picks.


Bill Rubin:

Vikings -10 @ Rams
The Rams are so good, like the best under-10 Pop Warner team in the NFL.
(Vikings 38, Rams 10 W)

Falcons @ 49ers over 40
The Falcons' defense is just crappy enough for the Niners to put up some good points, while the Falcons' passing attack is probably a little too much for the Niners to handle.
(Falcons 45, 49ers 10 W)

Jaguars +1 @ Seahawks
I just think the Jags are a better football team than the Seahawks.
(Jaguars 0, Seahawks 41 L)

(Week 2-1, Season 8-7)


known associate:
Browns+6 @Bills
(cle 6, buf 3 W)
Vikings-10 @Rams
(min 38, stl 10 W)
Colts-3.5 @Titans
(ind 31, ten 9 W)
back to sleep.
(week 3-0, season 10-5)


I'm on strike, so pick it...Week 5

5/17th of the way in, here are our picks gosh darn it.

Not Your Type

Jaguars +1 @ Seahawks
David Garrard's brother Gil came from the future and told me to pick this game.

Bills -6 vs. Browns
Scott Norwood kicks three FG's for a score of 9-0. Bernie Kosar is sad.

Broncos +3 vs. Patriots
Tom Brady will look more like Mike Brady in A Very Brady Christmas. He WILL be wearing a pink jogging suit and a bad 70's white-man perm by the end of the game.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Don't pick your nose... Week 4

I wonder if we'll all get our picks in this week. Only time will tell...


Billy Rubin:

Bengals -6 @ Browns
I'm starting at QB for the Browns, and I suck!
(Bengals 23, Browns 20 L)

Ravens +1 @ Patriots
Not sure why I like this, but I do.
(New England 27, Ravens 21 L)

Bills +1 @ Dolphins
The Dolphins' QB situation should be just good enough for the Bills to eek out a win.
(Dolphins 38, Bills 10 L)

(Week 0-3, Season 6-6)


Known Associate:

Saints -7.5 vs. Jets
Drew Brees is larger and more in-charge-er, in the crotch, than Mark Sanchez.
(NO 24- NYJ 10) W

Chargers @ Steelers over 43
This game should see more scoring than an all-male swingers party.
(PIT 38- SD 28) W

Vikings -4 vs. Packers
AP=Awesome Penis!
(MIN 30- GB 23) W

[week 3-0, season 7-5]

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Pick me - Week 3

We all did pretty well in our picks last week. Let's see what happens this week:

Knot You're Type(6-0)

Titans +1 vs. Jets
You take "an" away and you'd pick them, too.

Colts +2.5 vs. Cardinals
Is there something I'm missing here? No, really.

Panther +9 vs. Cowboys
Two straight weeks in Prime Time, two straight weeks of crying time for "America's Team".


known associate:

Bengals +3.5 vs. Steelers

Cincy wins straight up.
(CIN 23-PIT 20) W

Lions +6.5 vs. Redskins
Get the riot gear ready Detriot PD, this could be the day.
(DET 19-WAS 14) W

Giants/Bucs Over 45.5
NYG defense is hurtin, literally. TB defense is hurtin, figuratively.
(NYG 24- TB 0) L

(week 2-1, overall 4-5)

I dropped the ball this weekend...maybe I can return kicks for the Niners. Anyway, I'll take some afternoon games and see what happens.

Seahawks +1 vs. Bears
Bears' defense is overrated, Seneca Wallace is underrated.
(CHI 25-SEA 19) L

Saints @ Bills over 51
Seems like a sucker's bet, and I'm a sucker for it.
(NO 27-BUF 7) L

Colts +2.5 @ Cardinals
In the words of Slick Rick, "And Y, why not?"
(IND 31-ARI 10) W

(week [and weak] 1-2, overall 6-3)

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Remember back when the Giants had a first baseman who hit over 30 home runs? If you were born after 1987 then the answer is no. That's how long it's been - 22 years!

I was talking about this fact with a friend this morning and it got me to wondering how the Giants power at first base, or lack thereof, compares with the rest of the league. In order to do that I decided to compile home run figures for starting first baseman for each MLB team since 1958 (the birthdate of the San Francisco iteration of the Giants). I relied on the starting first basemen for each year as indicated by I believe baseball-reference determines starters based on either games played, at-bats or innings played at a given position, but I'm not entirely sure. Regardless, there is definitely some room for error as platoons are not accurately reflected in my methodology, nor are injury replacements or situations where a trade occurred. Nonetheless, I think the methodology employed herein paints a pretty useful picture of the power production of first basemen over the past half century.

The following chart shows the Giants' first basemen's home run production by year versus the MLB average.

As indicated in the chart, the Giants enjoyed above average production during the 1960s, which is due to Hall-of-Fame-type power from Willie McCovey and Orlando Cepeda. Then beginning in 1971 the Giants' production dipped below the MLB average and was relatively volatile for the next couple of decades. Highlights included: McCovey's 1973 and 1977 seasons (29 & 28 HRs, respectively), Darrell Evans' 1983 season (30 HRs), Clark's '87, '88 and '91 season (35, 29 & 29 HRs), and, most recently, JT Snow's 1997 season (28 HRs). Lowlights included: Willia Montanez' 8 HRs in 1975, Mike Ivie's 4 HRs in 1980, Enos Cabell's 2 HRs in 1981, Al Oliver's ZERO HOME RUNS in 1984, David Green's 5 HRs in 1985, Snow's 6-, 8- and 4-HR seasons in 2002, 2003 and 2005, respectively, and Ryan Klesko's stellar (and lone as a Giant) 2007 season (6 HRs).

While most of the Giants' data does not indicate a clear trend, it is worth noting that since 1998 the Giants have consistently been well below the MLB average, with the lone exception of 1999 when Snow hit 24 HRs, compared to the MLB average of 22.5. Coincidentally, or not, Brian Sabean took the reigns of the Giants in 1997. During his tenure, Sabean has routinely fielded a team featuring a 1B with well below average power. For the majority of Sabean's run as GM, that first baseman was JT Snow, who is one of, if not the best fielding first baseman at least of my lifetime and maybe ever. So his outstanding defense probably made up for some of his lack of power. However, Snow hasn't been the Giants' "starting" first baseman (by baseball-reference's standards) since 2005 and since then the Giants' homerun production at first base has not improved materially.

In a previous post I noted how the Giants' poor offense will likely cause them to fall just short of making the playoffs this year. Perhaps if they had just league average power at first this would not be the case. Perhaps if they had a remotely competent GM they could find a first baseman with league average (or better!) power. Perhaps I am among the lunatic fringe.

Consideration should be given to how the Giants' power at other positions compares to the league average. If first basemen have been lacking in power, maybe Sabean's made up for it elsewhere (Jeff Kent at 2B comes to mind, and Aurilia at SS to a lesser extent). Charts for other positions will be added to this post as time permits.

Special thanks to a certain displaced Giants fan in Los Angeles for help with formatting the above chart.

Image courtesy of

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Pick the teams to win - Week 2

Hi everybody. Welcome to the second installment of choo-choo-choose the winners. Billy Rubin went an impressive 3-0 on the first Sunday of the young 2009 season. Known Associate went 0-3, but it's way too early to count him out. I, Not Your Type, also went 3-0, but I didn't post my games up on time like the other two guys, so I guess I kinda cheated.

How are we gonna do this week?

Here are the picks:


Raiders +3 vs. Chiefs
The Raide-The Raiders will win.

Saints -1 vs. Eagles
Bobby Herbert will have a big game.

Ravens +3 vs. Chargers
Raven Simone can definitely beat a car.

( 3-0 [6-0 overall]; I like to choose the pretty helmets.)


Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy Rubin!

Jaguars -3 vs. Cardinals
Me no likey Kurt Warner.

Vikings - 10 @ Detroit
AP and the Vikings D are too good, and I'm already calling Stafford a bust.

Saints @ Eagles over 45.5
Philly's D cleaned up last week, but Drew Brees ain't no Jake Delhomme...Kevin Kolb be damned.

(2-1, 5-1 on the season. Damn you Kurt Warner, damn you straight to hell!)


known associate:

Vikings -10 @ Detroit
Stafford doesnt stand a chance.

Bills -4 vs Buccaneers

Sabby Piscatelli is not good.

Steelers @ Bears over 38
it'll be over in the 3rd quarter.

(2-1, overall still a shitty 2-4)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My Favorite Canadian Twin Sister Lesbians

This blog isn't just about sports. Or talking shit. Or talking shit about sports. As evidence I offer this post.

A few days ago, known associate forwarded me an email from Tegan and Sara's fanclub/website indicating that their new album, Sainthood, is scheduled to be released on October 27. Tegan and Sara are one of my favorite musical groups, ranking right up there with artists as varied, and decidedly unlike Tegan and Sara, as Van Halen, New Edition, the Ramones, Public Enemy and, of course, San Quinn

I am definitely looking forward to Tegan and Sara's new album, more so, probably, than any other album in recent memory. As for their existing discography, my favorite album remains If It Was You, which probably puts me in the minority, and my favorite song might be "Monday Monday Monday", although that's likely to change at a high frequency depending on which of their songs I'm listening to at any given time.

Anyway, October 27 can't come soon enough for me.

Image via

Brian Sabean - Executive of the Millenium

The Niners just beat the defending NFC champion Arizona Cardinals (due pretty much to Arizona repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot, but that's not what I want to talk about rightnow), and the nation is abuzz with NFL opening day, at least according to my facebook news feed; so what better time to talk about the San Francisco baseball Giants' amazing season, which, despite a nice win against the hated Dodgers today, is all but over. (It's also a great time to write what may or may not be a grammatically correct sentence with more clauses than the North Pole, ba-dum-bum!)

After today's win, the Giants are 7.5 games behind the division-leading Dodgers, and 4.5 games behind the Colorado Rockies in the Wild Card chase. The Giants have three more games each against Colorado and Los Angeles, so they certainly can cut into those leads. They've also got six more games against the lowly Arizona Diamondbacks (.431 winning percentage, 1-9 over their last 10 games) and the Padres (.451, 7-3 over their last 10), as well as a four-game series at home against the middling Cubs. So the Giants definitely are not out of it, but the way they've been playing lately (4-6 over their last 10, including some crucial losses to the Dodgers), it's unlikely they'll be making a serious move up in the standings. Regardless, the fact that the Giants are in the playoff discussion in mid-September is truly amazing. This has been a miraculous season for a team built around a pitching staff from heaven, and held back by an offense from hell, which is what bothers me the most.

Certainly, somebody, likely several people, deserves a lot of credit for piecing together a really good pitching staff around Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain; however, somebody also deserves to be beheaded, or at least fired for putting together what is truly an anemic offense. Sure, the Giants are a playoff-contender, but with a real offense they could be in the driver's seat and not staring up at the Dodgers and Rockies. It is for this reason, that I really really really hope that Brian Sabean, whose contract as general manager expires this season, joins the growing ranks of the unemployed sometime very soon.

Just how bad are the Giants? Well, I went through the NL West and compared the Giants to the other teams in the division position by position. As I didn't want to waste too much of my time, I didn't go through box scores or search for a site that shows offensive stats accrued while playing a specific position; instead, I just multiplied each players' stats by the percentage of innings played at each position for the season, which isn't exactly accurate, but paints a relatively reliable picture of a team's performance at each position. I ranked every position by OPS (On Base Percentage plus Slugging Percentage), which indicates a player's ability to get on base and hit for power, both of which tend to lead to runs being scored.

Not surprisingly, the Giants rank 4th or 5th (second to last and last in the five-team division) in five of the eight positions (pitchers were excluded). In particular, they rank 4th or 5th at first base and both corner outfield positions, traditionally three of the positions were a team's more capable batters play. The only positions where they aren't truly horrible are third base (Rank - 2nd), thanks to Pablo Sandoval's contributions; centerfield and catcher, where they rank 3rd, which isn't exactly anything to write home about. San Diego is worse than the Giants at both positions, while Arizona is worse at centerfield and Los Angeles is worse at catcher. Centerfield and catcher are two of the few positions in which the Giants actually have "established" starters entrenched, in Aaron Rowand and Bengie Molina, respectively. Whereas, the Padres ineptitude at these positions is largely due to their lack of a real full-time starter, rather employing platoons of mediocre (at best) players. The Diamondbacks' poor play in centerfield is primarily the result of a continued decline by former top prospect Chris Young, while the Dodgers' low ranking at catcher is due to a down season from Russell Martin, a former all-star. The Giants would probably rank 4th in catcher if Martin was having a more typical season by his standards.

Overall, the Giants' average ranking is 4.125, tied for worst in the division with San Diego. Of course some consideration should be given to the fact that the Diamondbacks and Rockies play half their games in ballparks that tend to inflate offensive numbers, notably extra base hits. On the other hand, the Padres and Dodgers, and to a lesser degree the Giants, have home ballparks that favor pitchers. Nonetheless, Brian Sabean, in his infinite wisdom, has managed to assemble a team whose offensive capabilities are comparable to a rebuilding Padres team that is also hampered by playing in one of the most notorious pitchers parks in MLB; and far inferior to the other three teams in the division. Good job, buddy!

I hope Giants management can recognize Sabean's, and the team's (as currently configured), shortcomings and make the appropriate decision for the 2010 season. It's almost impossible to believe that just about any random person couldn't manage to put together a better offensive team than Sabean has assembled. Granted, some help may come from the farm system; however, the Giants top position-player prospect is Buster Posey, a catcher. So even if he lives up to the hype, he's helping at a position where the Giants aren't necessarily in need performance-wise, although Molina is a free agent after this season. Sandoval has recently been playing more firstbase, but if that is what the future holds, then the Giants will soon have a gaping offensive hole at thirdbase. Worse yet, Edgar Renteria, the Giants' starting shortstop who is largely responsible for the Giants' 4th place ranking in OPS at that position, has one more year left on his two-year $18 million contract, and he's not getting any younger...or better.

This post could be a whole lot longer, but I'm sure I've written way too much already. In summary, the Giants offense truly sucks. Brian Sabean has built that offense. Many things need to change if the Giants are really going to compete for titles in the near-future, why not start with the doofus who has put together the offense that is holding back our tremendous pitching staff?

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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Pick Dem: Week 1

This is the best time of year for degenerate gamblers - football season has started. With that, the contributors to this blog will slug it out for pick'em supremacy. We each pick three games per week using the Friday lines from the Sportacular iPhone app so that we have uniform spreads. The winner gets 2 of something TBD!!!!

Tune in tomorrow for our picks.

I don't know about these other fools, but here are Billy Rubin's picks:

Vikings -4 @ Browns
Cowboys - 5.5 @ Buccaneers
Packers -4 vs. Bears

I haven't really had much time to research, so my picks are kinda seat of the pants. The Vikings have the Williamses though and the Browns are terrible. Ditto for the Bucs, whose best quarterback is named Josh and he isn't starting, nor was he drafted this year. I've been impressed with the Packers' defense this preseason and equally unimpressed with the Bears receiving corps.

(3-0, suckas!)


known associate is picking:

Panthers +1 vs. Eagles
Seahawks/Rams Over 41
Bengals -4.5 vs. Broncos

the eagles' revamped line is gonna need time to gel. plus, mcnabb says he's "excited".. which really means his bitch ass is nervous. the seahawks and rams were decimated by injuries on offense last season. both are relatively healthy and should be improved. and yes, i did pick the bengals.



I'm late to the party and there are only two games left.

Bills +10.5 vs. Patriots
Raiders +10 vs. Chargers
over 42 1/2 Raiders vs. Chargers

No research done here.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

She Ain't Got No Alibi

Fuck NYC Prep and fuck this bitch. I really can't stand this show, mostly because I don't need or want to see allegedly filthy rich kids complain about stupid bullshit. Possibly because I'm jealous that I'm not a filthy rich kid. I'm only filthy, and not a kid anymore.

But back to the U-G-L-Y biatch "star" of the show - Jessie. What TV exec gave the green light to putting her face on TV? I'm afraid her face will break my TV screen. How rich are her parents, really? If I was as wealthy as I imagine they are, I'd have a plastic surgeon on retainer to fix my hideously frightening daughter's fucking ugly face. And an orthodontist and speech therapist, and an optometrist - they can fixed crossed eyes, right? And then possibly Dr. Jack Kevorkian.

She is the visual personification of an injured race horse, only the viewers are the ones in misery. Seriously, she looks like a giant cross-eyed Muppet. And she sounds like she eats rocks. I wonder if Dr. Teeth needs anybody to replace Janice. Jessie might scare Animal though.

I can't really feel too proud about writing any of this. This hideous beast of a woman, isn't really a woman at all, but a teenager. Nobody ever said that teenagers can't make my eyes burn though, or make my ears bleed like I was Ted Williams in Korea. Just when Reh Dogg made me think there might be a god after all, the mere existence of something so vomit-inducing as Jessie's face has once again convinced me that there is no higher being. If there is, he or she must be ugly as shit if Jessie was created in his or her image.

image via

Friday, August 21, 2009

Giant Cocktease

The Giant's pitching is like a hot-ass girl and their offense is the restraining order keeping you at least 200 feet away. Playoff blueballs is the result.

I'm going to hit a pop-up on the first pitch I see. Go Giants!!!!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

This Dude Sucks

welcome to the first in what will hopefully be a series of posts about professional athletes who suck. not on penises (although we can't rule that out), but just at their jobs as professional athletes. maybe they're not the worst players around, but they likely represent stupid acquisitions for their respective teams or are over-rated by the general public. and we have taken it upon ourselves to shed light on their general shittiness.

up first, aaron rowand, a bum if ever there was one. aaron rowand had a career year on a phenomenal world series championship team in 2007. for the most part, rowand batted fifth in lineup that featured 2007 MVP jimmy rollins, shane victorino, chase utley, and 2006 MVP ryan howand ahead of him in that order. rowand was usually followed in the lineup by pat burrell. without doing any specific research, it is more likely than not that rowand often was hitting with batters on base. 

the phillies played their home games at citizens bank park. gives citizens bank park a park factor of 104 for hitting, indicating that it favors hitters (100 is neutral). baseball prospectus gave citizens bank park a park factor of 1022 in 2007, with 1000 being the neutral baseline. basically, the park is a slight hitters park. also, 2007 happened to be a contract year for rowand, meaning he had extra motivation to put up some great numbers. 

taking into account all of the preceding factors, it's no wonder rowand had a terrific statistical season in 2007. in fact, among the 17 full-time starting (500+ plate appearances) centerfielders in 2007, rowand ranked second in batting average, third in on-base percentage and slugging percentage, and fourth in runs, home runs, and RBI. he also turned in a .995 fielding percentage, compared to the average for the 17 full-time starters of .990 (although it is noted that fielding percentage is a pretty useless metric). further, he was paid $4.35 million in 2007, which compares favorably to the average for the larger group of $5.51 million. however, it should be noted that 2007 was rowand's age 29 season, whereas the average age for a full-time starting centerfielder in 2007 was 28. 

so then what happened in the off-season? the san francisco giants gave him a five-year, $60 million contract, making rowand the third highest paid full-time starting centerfielder in 2008, trailing only carlos beltran and torii hunter. but for a guy who ranked in the top 5 at his position in almost every meaningful statistical category the prior year, surely such a contract is reasonable, right? that must've been the rationale employed by brian sabean, the giants GM.

now with new contract in hand, what did aaron rowand do in 2008, his first year with the giants? he went out and turned in just about the most average season possible. among the 20 qualifying full-time starting centerfielders, rowand ranked 18th in runs, 13th in home runs, 10th in RBI, ninth in batting average, 10th in on-base percentage and 12th in slugging percentage. basically, he was the best of the worst among starting centerfielders, although you can't solely blame rowand for ranking near the bottom in runs and RBI - the giants' offense was awful in 2008. that's not rowand's fault, that's sabean's fault for putting together a miserable team. on the defensive side, rowand had a .991 fielding percentage, compared to the average of .990. however, he did have the second highest range factor, which is a function of putouts and assists per inning played. it should be noted that the average salary for full-time centerfielders in 2008 was $3.21 million, less than half what the giants paid rowand. and the average age for full-time starters was 26, while 2008 was rowand's age 30 season. so the giants were grossly overpaying for a remarkably average, aging centerfielder.

but maybe 2008 wasn't the real aaron rowand, you say. after all, new team, new city, new home ballpark, surely he should be granted some sort of mulligan for the associated adjustment period. he was only average anyway, it wasn't like he was the worst full-time starter (just the most overpaid).

so what has the 2009 MLB season brought for aaron rowand? more absurdly mediocre production. among the 21 full-time starting centerfielders with 350 or more plate appearances to date, rowand ranks 19th in runs, 15th in home runs, 13th in RBI, 11th in batting average, 14th in on-base percentage and 11th in slugging. and he's only making about three times the average salary for full-time starters. he's also four years older than the average starter's age. and his one redeeming quality form 2008, his range factor, has declined to 2.44, well below the average of 2.60. 

while it may be too early to definitively say so, it definitely appears that rowand is on the decline. unfortunately, his annual contract payments are following an opposite trend: rowand's salary increases to $12 million for the 2010 through 2012 seasons. by the time rowand's contract expires he'll be 34 and likely won't be worth starting, or even playing at all, let alone $12 million. 

there's also the empirical evidence from just watching rowand play: booting balls in the outfield, swinging at the first pitch regardless of the situation, popping up with runners in scoring position. what's the matter with rowand? HE'S A BUM!

sure, he gives the giants a veteran presence. he's also been on successful teams. he's been remarkably healthy, which has to count for something, right? or would you rather have your hopelessly average (and declining) centerfielder get hurt so you can try and get someone more productive out there? eh, we giants fans probably won't find out until 2013 or so, if the world lasts that long

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Day Old News 8/13/09

Government data shows that retail sales dropped in July. My guess is that little Safe N' Sane devil on the side of all those fireworks shacks is swimming in a bunch of Walmart's money...On a related note, video game sales saw a significant drop in July. Video games should see a recovery come Christmas time, since summer usually means a lull in big time games. If they want to speed up that recovery, the industry should hit that question marked square floating in the sky and then jump on the mushroom that comes out....Kate Gosselin, of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame, says her marriage is definitely over. George Bush, of Presidential fame, says his term as president is over as well...80's movie "classic" St. Elmo's Fire is being brought to the small screen as an hour-long drama. I think the show will star Elmo, from Sesame Street, as a man trying to get to heaven by tickling people. I can't wait to see it...Former Atlanta Falcon QB Michael Vick has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles. Dog lovers would say he's for the birds...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Sic Mike Vick

i hate mike vick. i would imagine my dog would hate him too if he was aware of what mike vick's done to other dogs, or at least what mike vick's friends did to other dogs on vick's dime. also, i don't think mike vick should get another chance in the nfl, and i'm not even close to convinced that he's paid his debt to society. i think dog fighting, and the way that the bad news kennels' dogs were allegedly put to death, is nothing short of psychotic. but i'm a dog lover, so most of my opinions on the matter can probably be written off as irrational...or can they?

a recent article notes that, based on the most up-to-date research, a dog is basically "a toddler with a snout and tail". that may seem like hyperbole, but one researcher stated that dogs have "developmental abilities equivalent to a human 2-year-old". so mike vick and his boys were basically killing little kids. that's how i see it. the article goes on to say that recent research indicates that dogs can learn 165 words on average, count up to four or five (which is probably more progressions that vick can work through as a quarterback), and dogs can think and solve problems. further, dogs can "experience fear, anger, happiness and disgust". i wonder what emotions the bad newz kennels' dogs felt most often.

maybe we as a society need to reconsider how generally supportive we've been of mike vick. maybe tony dungy should get his head out of his ass. would someone who funded (and may have participated in) the mass murder of two-year-old humans be given another shot at life on the outside? or maybe we should collectively say "fuck it" and start training babies to fight to the death. and then whichever little babies lose we smash their heads into walls. or put them in standing water and electrocute them. then after that maybe we can all seek to become multimillionaires and play sports before millions of fans every week.

somewhere somebody is fiddling.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Ever vigilant in the fight against things I don't know about


I was invited to contribute to this blog by my esteemed colleagues after a long and thorough search by them for others to help out in this endeavor.

I have sent random samples with no subjects from several anonymous e-mails to various newspapers, magazines, book publishers, movie studios, television executives, and a lady that lives fours doors down from me to no avail in getting a real writing assignment. This is the most legitimate opportunity that's been granted to me so far. I plan to blind you with my deftly authored posts and pummel your thoughts with the fists that will be the messages I deliver. I will turn your gray matter into red, green, yellow, purple, and black and blue matter because you will be thinking so hard and so deep. So deep, in fact, that the depths can only be measured in light years, because there is no measuring device long enough to extend as far as I will take your mind and only math equations can solve what I have planned to unleash onto all those who feel they are intellectually challenged enough to not only read this sentence and all others the have come before or after but can also follow that they are superior to all beings not reading everything on known associates and knowing that a simple sentence cannot communicate the idea that the concise message of read this blog can say.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

This dude is no joke...except that maybe he is a joke

recently known associates stumbled upon one of the greatest human beings of all time. his name is reh dogg and he is either a genius or developmentally challenged, or both. regardless he makes timeless music about myriad subjects that everyone can relate to, including: taking a homeless boy under your wing only to have them continuously betray you, unrequited love of asian women, more rejection by asian women, how barack obama is the anti-christ, and complicated math equations.

thank you, reh dogg, my faith in humanity has been restored.

image via cafepress.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The T.O. Show, No Homo.

i'm a 49er fan, die-hard.
i'm also a T.O. fan, always was and never stopped being.
in his prime, he was the most entertaining player i've ever witnessed don the red and gold, rivaled only by Ronnie Lott.

i also thought he was gay. not that it mattered... i just figured a repressed homosexuality accounted for his eccentricities, flamboyant nature on the field, cycle of ruined relationships with his QBs and general detachment from reality. oh and a friend of a friend who once dated him also told me as much.

then i watched The T.O. Show. now it all may be an act but just one episode into the series and it's evident that T.O. pulls some serious ass. breezies of all sorts-- from pigeon ass realtors to his dime piece ex-fiance.

or maybe he really doesn't care whom or what he fucks... as long as it makes his dick feel good.

go Niners.

image via VH1

Monday, July 20, 2009

greetings folks.

intermissions from the inner mission forthcoming..