Saturday, August 22, 2009

She Ain't Got No Alibi

Fuck NYC Prep and fuck this bitch. I really can't stand this show, mostly because I don't need or want to see allegedly filthy rich kids complain about stupid bullshit. Possibly because I'm jealous that I'm not a filthy rich kid. I'm only filthy, and not a kid anymore.

But back to the U-G-L-Y biatch "star" of the show - Jessie. What TV exec gave the green light to putting her face on TV? I'm afraid her face will break my TV screen. How rich are her parents, really? If I was as wealthy as I imagine they are, I'd have a plastic surgeon on retainer to fix my hideously frightening daughter's fucking ugly face. And an orthodontist and speech therapist, and an optometrist - they can fixed crossed eyes, right? And then possibly Dr. Jack Kevorkian.

She is the visual personification of an injured race horse, only the viewers are the ones in misery. Seriously, she looks like a giant cross-eyed Muppet. And she sounds like she eats rocks. I wonder if Dr. Teeth needs anybody to replace Janice. Jessie might scare Animal though.

I can't really feel too proud about writing any of this. This hideous beast of a woman, isn't really a woman at all, but a teenager. Nobody ever said that teenagers can't make my eyes burn though, or make my ears bleed like I was Ted Williams in Korea. Just when Reh Dogg made me think there might be a god after all, the mere existence of something so vomit-inducing as Jessie's face has once again convinced me that there is no higher being. If there is, he or she must be ugly as shit if Jessie was created in his or her image.

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