Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Best Album of 2012 and Why the Niners Didn't Win the Super Bowl

I finally figured out why the Niners had to lose the NFC Championship. First of all, if they had beaten the Giants, like they should have, they would've gone on to handily defeat the Patriots and Tom Brady's handsomeness in the Super Bowl. Then I would have been super happy. But then two days later (today) the new Van Halen album would've come out and I would've listened to it and found out that it sounds like vintage David Lee Roth-era Van Halen, which would've totally blown my mind. The Niners winning the Super Bowl and Van Halen making a legitimately great album in 2012 clearly would have combined to kill me with joy. Thus, the Niners had to lose because they didn't want me to die. Thank you, Kyle Williams, you saved my life.

Go buy A Different Kind of Truth by Van Halen right now, otherwise you don't love America.

Image via moviespad.com.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Soup or Crackers Sunday

This is it. The final weekend of the 2011-12 NFL season. Since there's only one game this week, we'll be making just two picks, but still adhering to the minimum 7/maximum 10 nuts wagers. Here are our picks:

bill rubin:

So this is what it's all led up to: two teams I hate playing for all the marbles. Yay, go indifference!

Patriots -3 vs. Giants (3 nuts): Both teams are flawed, which is just the state of the NFL these days. Neither team is the Niners, which sucks. Tom Brady is significantly more handsome than Eli Manning, and that's worth three points. In real life, I'd definitely buy the hook because I think this will come down to a field goal game after all the meaningless yardage is accumulated for both sides. Goddamn Tom Brady matching Joe Montana's jewelry though. But it doesn't matter, because Steve Young is the best ever anyway.

Under 53 (5 nuts): I should've locked this in earlier in the week when it opened at 55 or 55.5, whatever it was. I'm projecting Pats 27 Giants 23, so that's still under and I'm sticking with it. There's definitely the chance for a crazy shootout with two prolific passing attacks matching up against two porous defenses, but I think those rooting for the over will end up being disappointed when all is said and done.

known associate:
Patriots - 1 vs. Giants first half (5 nuts)
Under 54 (2 nuts)

billy rubin must've been a few beers in by the time i texted. my actual blog plays were (unfortunately):
PATRIOTS -3 (5 nuts)
UNDER 26.5 first half (2 nuts)
- giants 21 patriots 17 (9-10 halftime score). -3 nuts.

known associate's final 2011-12 nfl record:
25-34, -12 nuts. weak, like alex smith and wes welker.
previous seasons' records...
2010-11: 36-24-2
2009-10: 37-24-2