Sunday, December 30, 2012

NFL Week 17 Picks


NYJ @ BUF -3.5 (2 nuts)
CLE +10 @ PIT (3 nuts)
GB @ MIN +3 (3 nuts)

known associate's wtf happened last night picks:
seriously, i feel like i did some hard drugs. 99% sure i didnt.
DAL +3 at was (3 nuts)
gb at MIN +3 (3 nuts)
gb at min OVER 45.5 (2 nuts)
locked in the over in new orleans last night. would've been a pick. also playin pats 1h.
lean cards too.

billy rubin:
dal at WAS -3 (5 nuts)
dal at was OVER 48.5 (5 nuts)

Friday, December 28, 2012

College Bowl Picks Part One

known associate:
starting this off with a degenerate special play for the div III championship!
st. thomas vs MOUNT UNION -18.5 at salem, va (1 nut)
- tommies 10 purple raiders 28. -1 nut.
degenerate special indeed. and why the fuck was the new mexico bowl at 10am, on a saturday, with only one other bowl game scheduled?
back later this week with more plays...
ball state vs central florida OVER 59.5 (1 nut)
tease BALL ST +14.5/OVER 52.5 (1 nut)
0-2, -2 nuts.
CENTRAL MICHIGAN +7 vs western kentucky at detroit (1 nut)
chippewas finished the season stronger and are playing in their home state.
- chippewas 24 hilltoppers 21. +1 nut.
also gonna play this under system in spots. long layoffs lead to rusty offenses while the second half chase provides decent insurance. just small for today's matchup though.
- 2nd half under hit.
lean under for noon. will take 2h if it's a play.
cincinnati vs DUKE +10 at charlotte (3 nuts)
the pass-happy blue devils are playing their first bowl game in 17 years, led by a 5th year head coach and redshirt senior QB. the bearcats are playing their 4th bowl game in 5 years; without their head coach. they've also surrendered 502 yards per game to the only 2 decent passing teams they've faced this season (syracuse and lousville). cincy is more talented but all other signs point to a motivated duke team pulling off an upset in their home state. these ladies ain't helping though:

lean over for the evening but damn that total is awfully high.
- bearcats 48 blue devils 34. -3 nuts.
this really was the worst beat ever. devils were at the cats 5 with 1:30 to go in a tie game yet somehow lose... by 14! shit like this can't be rigged.
ohio vs LA MONROE -7 at shreveport, la (1 nut)
the bobcats don't match up well with the warhawks on either side of the ball; lacking both the vertical threat to expose ULM's shaky secondary and the requisite speed in their own defensive backfield to slow down kolton browning and his deep receiving corps. warhawks are also playing in their first bowl game, ever, and in their home state. weather is a concern but i'm posting this now in case i sleep through kickoff. might add a nut in the morn if i don't.
- bobcats 45 warhawks 14. -1 nut.
my match up analysis was on point... except for the opposite teams. no idea how the warhawks beat arkansas and hung with auburn and baylor.
lean tech, two times.
rutgers vs VIRGINIA TECH PK at orlando, fl (1 nut)
taking beamer and his bowl experienced boys over a rutgers team that just choked away it's chance at school history (and a bcs bowl).
- scarlet knights 10 hokies 13. +1 nut.
i thought this bet was dead after rutgers' fluke (and only) td started the scoring. logan thomas isn't an nfl qb.
minnesota vs TEXAS TECH -13 at houston, tx (1 nut)
fade it.
- golden gophers 31 red raiders 34. -1 nut.
told you.
west virginia vs SYRACUSE +4 at yankee stadium (2 nuts)
- mountaineers 14 orange 38. +2 nuts.
wvu vs syr UNDER 35 first half (1 nut)
doubt geno smith and his boys want to play in the snow (or wintry mix).
- mountaineers 7 orange 12. +1 nut.
tease ARIZONA STATE -6.5/OVER 47.5 vs navy at at&t park (1 nut)
navy is outmanned and under-motivated (after their big win vs army).
lean beavers and spartans.
- midshipmen 28 sun devils 62. +1 nut
georgia tech vs usc UNDER 31.5 first half at windy el paso, tx (1 nut)
- yellowjackets 7 trojans 7 (7-21 final). +1 nut
CLEMSON +6 vs lsu at georgia dome (1 nut)
- tigers 25 tigers 24. +1 nut

2012 NCAA bowl record (through 12.31):
known associate: 7-6. no nuts

2012 NCAA regular season record:
known associate: 19-17-1. -6 nuts
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts

Sunday, December 23, 2012

NFL Week 16 Picks

known associate:
locking two plays in...
no at dal OVER 52 (3 nuts)
the cowboys offense has been better of late and getting demarco back to top form should only help. more importantly, the saints rank 30th in red zone conversion defense (% of TDs allowed) and they're at their worst on the road; allowing a touchdown 72% of the time. brees should get his.
was at phi OVER 45 (3 nuts)
both teams are pretty shitty defensively in the red zone; ranking 26th or worse. reid and foles have nothing to lose and could be motivated to put on a show in their last home game of 2012. weather shouldn't be a factor.
the giants are probably going to be my third play. also considering browns, the unders in gb and nyj, and the over in seattle.
NYG -2 at bal (1 nut)

billy rubin:
PIT -3 vs CIN (3 nuts)
DAL -3 vs NO (3 nuts)
CHI -7 @ AZ (3 nuts)


IND -5.5 @ KC (3 nuts)
NO +2.5 @ DAL (3 nuts)
STL +3 @ TB (3 nuts)

records through week 15:
known associate: 17-26-2, -21 nuts (week 15: 0-3, -7 nuts)
nyt: 23-21-1, +9 nuts

Sunday, December 16, 2012

NFL Week 15 Picks


CAR +3 @SD (4 nuts)
TB @ NO -3.5 (2 nuts)
CHI @ GB over 43.5 (2 nuts)

billy rubin:

TB +3.5 vs. NO (2 nuts): yikes, going against NYT again. oh well, josh freeman is a 6'6" black man and drew brees is a 6'0" (listed) white man. advantage (in the pants), freeman.
DEN @ BAL o48 (3 nuts): manning should be good for the lion's share of this and hopefully cam cameron was actually holding back the ravens offense.
IND +10.5 @ HOU (2 nuts): indy isn't nearly as good a team as their record would indicate, and houston should be out to prove something, but i just can't see this being a two score game. over is probably the smarter play for this game, but i just wrote two whole sentences so fuck it.

known associate:
NYG +1 at atl (3 nuts)
- giants 0 falcons 34. -3 nuts
everyone's favorite gay qb and his boytoys played their only complete game of the season but i'm still not buying the falcons as a top superbowl contender. "statement game" my butthole. more like an outlier game.
JAC +7.5 at mia (2 nuts)
- jaguars 3 dolphins 24. -2 nuts
not that i deserved to win this play but this score is a bit misleading. the jags hung with the fins (leading in yardage for most of the game) but turned it over on downs in the redzone three times! also, the final td came very late in game. lol @me for layin nuts on shit teams.
PIT +1 at dal (2 nuts)
- steelers 24 cowboys 27 (ot). -2 nuts
reverse cowboys were 0-6 ats at jerryland this season. i shoulda layed off this game tho. steelers d is aging quick.
also played broncos for 2 nuts.
lol @jim caldwell. i'm far from a cam cameron apologist but it looks like the ravens made a bad situation worse. check caldwell's resume. pretty sure dude has never called plays, ever. he did get outcoached by sean payton in the superbowl tho.
bucs, panthers, bills, niners, texans 1h for lesser nuts.
panthers were the play, bills and bucs are some assclowns on defense. texans really didn't deserve to cover the 1h or the game. go niners tho!
week 15: 0-3, -7 nuts. 

records through week 14:
known associate: 17-23-2, -14 nuts (week 14 1-2 -2 nuts)
21 -20-1, +5 nuts

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Get Off My Lawn!! - The Rantings of An Old Man

As the elder statesman of the contributors to this blog, I feel it is my calling to complain about things that draw my ire.  My latest target: NBC's Take It All.  This shit makes me want to send my foot back in time to when these episodes were recorded to kick everyone involved with it in the dick(or equivalent) while the part of me stuck in the present seethes.

more to come...maybe.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

NFL Week 14 Picks


BAL +2.5 @ WAS (2 nuts)
TEN @ IND -5 (3 nuts)
DAL @ CIN -3.5 (3 nuts)

known associate:
atl at CAR +3.5 (3 nuts) straight up win
NO +4.5 at nyg (3 nuts) loss
DET +6.5 at gb (2 nuts) half point loss
titans nearly made the cut.
titans either covered or pushed depending on your line.
smaller plays on pats, browns, skins, jags, eagles.
pats killed. browns covered. skins covered and rg3 threw an incompletion that was more exciting to watch than 99% of alex smith's completions. jags miss cecil shorts, didn't cover. eagles won straight up as dogs.
week 14: 1-2, -2 nuts.

billy rubin:

TEN +5.5 @ IND (2 nuts): i hate to go against not your type, who clearly has the football gods' ears this season, but this weekend is full of crappy games/lines and this is one of the few that stands out to me as a play.
CIN - 3.5 vs DAL (4 nuts): now i'm a little worried about the fact that NYT and i agree on this. hopefully andy dalton employs reverse racism and treats the cowboys like red-headed stepchildren. or just reverse cowboys someone and gets some ball-to-ball action. matt ryan would probably like that.
PHI +7.5 @ TB (2 nuts): i'm not too sure about riding the nick foles train for two weeks in a row, especially in a contest where he likely has the smaller penis between the starting qbs, but all the eagles have to do is lose by only a td. it's not like this is the tampa defense of yore anyway.

records through week 13:
known associate: 16-21-2, -12 nuts
nyt : 21-17-1, +13 nuts

Sunday, December 2, 2012

NFL Week 13 Picks

Not Your Type

IND +6 @ DET (3 nuts)
JAX +6.5 @ BUF (2 nuts)
TB @ DEN -7.5 (4 nuts)

And here is a rant:  I think Harry Wofford from Comcast Sports/NBC is a big-ass bag of dicks.  The dude is totally full of shit, yet doesn't know shit.  In a market full of dick-hole broadcasters, he takes the cake(which happens to be in the shape of a dick enveloping another dick).

known associate:
JAC +6.5 at buf (4 nuts)
ind at DET -6 (2 nuts)
cin at SD +1 (2 nuts)

billy rubin:
JAX +6 @ BUG (3 nuts): uh-oh, three of us are in agreement. that is either really good or really bad. chad henne is handsome and justin blackmon has a big dick though, so we should be good. but i seem to recall underestimating ryan fitzpatrick's handsomeness before...
PHI +10 @ DAL (2 nuts): the eagles are crappy, but so are the cowboys. while murray may be back, 10 points is a big nut to cover and all nick foles has to do is avoid be awful. plus dez bryant is a still a genius, a big ol' giant dicked genius.
WAS +3 vs NYG (2 nuts): greasy 3000 definitely has a bigger dick that horse face, jr. 'nuff said.

records through week 12:
billy rubin: 14-21-1, -17 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
nyt: 20-15-1, +14 nuts