NFL Week 5

     Indented Servant
KC -3 @ TEN( 2 nuts)
Barry Word is bond, son.
SEA @ IND +3 (3 nuts)
Seattle has been living a charmed life on the  road so far this season, so the roll has to come to an end, right?
CAR -2 @ ARI (4 nuts)
Cam Newton will discover that Fig Newton, Juice Newton, and the Neutron Dance are not related to him.  In other news, there will be  an American football game between the Carolina and Arizona clubs in which one will emerge victorious.  Well played, sirs, well played!  Oh yeah, Carolina by a nose - a three point nose.

Week 5: (2-1, 1 nut)
Season: (8-7, 6 nuts)

billy rubin:
BAL +2.5 @ MIA (3 nuts)
PHI @ NYG -1 (2 nuts)
CAR -2.5 @ AZ (3 nuts)

Week 5: 1-2, -3 nuts
Season: 6-9, -5 nuts 

known associate:
BAL +2.5 at mia (3 nuts)
- ravens 26 fins 23. +3 nuts
NE -1.5 at cin (3 nuts)
- pats 6 cats 13. -3 nuts.
phi at NYG +1 (2 nuts)
- eagles 26 football giants 21. -2 nuts
lvh supercontest picks: ne+2(l), bal+3(w), gb-7(w), sf-6.5(w), nyg+1(l)
- lvh results: 3-2
also under in ari, over in gb, and maybe dal, jac.

Week 5: (1-2. -2 nuts)
Season: (8-6-1. 8 nuts)
LVH picks: 8-6-1

NFL Week 2 Picks

     Indented Servant - All Road, All The Time Edition(2-1; 6 nuts)

NO -3 @ TB (5 nuts)
I'll bet this game all day.  For 5 nuts each time.  That's hella nuts if I bet that all day.  Like HELLA nuts.  More nuts than can I can count.  LeGarette Blunt is no longer in Tampa to punch the poo out of people's butts, so the Saints will easily cover this number - as easily as I will  be surrounded by nuts.

MIA +2 @ IND (3 nuts)
I'm going to keep wagering nuts on the Dolphins until they get caught in a tuna net and sold at a supermarket.  Mercury Morris approves this message*.
(*He does not.)

DET -1.5 @ ARI(2 nuts)
Detroit showed just how dynamic their offense can be after the addition of a dude that used to stick it to some famous chick.  If it were a dick length contest pitting this guy's dick length against the famous singer that was boning the famous girl in question, then I don't know if I would be so confident in betting nuts.  Good thing it's a football game.

Week 2: (1-2; -4 nuts)
Season: (3-3; 2 nuts)

 
billy rubin:

NO @ TB over 48 (5 nuts)
I'm putting lots of nuts on NO's offense being too good to TB's defense and NO's defense being too incompetent for even Josh Freeman. 

StL +5 @ ATL (2 nuts)
The battle for the letter t in the middle of your city's abbreviated name is on, son! I have this as a pretty close game, so I'm putting my nuts where my mouth is. 

MIN @ CHI over 41.5 (3 nuts)
Scoring will happen in this game and the total of the points scored will exceed 41.5. That is my prediction. 

Week 2: (1-2; -4 nuts)
Season: (3-3; -1 nuts)


known associate:
car at BUF +3.5 (4 nuts)
det at ARI +2 (2 nuts)
den at NYG +4.5 (3 nuts)

Week 2: (2-1; 3 nuts)
Season: (3-3; 2 nuts)

NFL Week 17 Picks

NYT

NYJ @ BUF -3.5 (2 nuts)
CLE +10 @ PIT (3 nuts)
GB @ MIN +3 (3 nuts)

known associate's wtf happened last night picks:
seriously, i feel like i did some hard drugs. 99% sure i didnt.
DAL +3 at was (3 nuts)
gb at MIN +3 (3 nuts)
gb at min OVER 45.5 (2 nuts)
locked in the over in new orleans last night. would've been a pick. also playin pats 1h.
lean cards too.

billy rubin:
dal at WAS -3 (5 nuts)
dal at was OVER 48.5 (5 nuts)

NFL Week 13 Picks

Not Your Type

IND +6 @ DET (3 nuts)
JAX +6.5 @ BUF (2 nuts)
TB @ DEN -7.5 (4 nuts)

And here is a rant:  I think Harry Wofford from Comcast Sports/NBC is a big-ass bag of dicks.  The dude is totally full of shit, yet doesn't know shit.  In a market full of dick-hole broadcasters, he takes the cake(which happens to be in the shape of a dick enveloping another dick).

known associate:
JAC +6.5 at buf (4 nuts)
ind at DET -6 (2 nuts)
cin at SD +1 (2 nuts)

billy rubin:
JAX +6 @ BUG (3 nuts): uh-oh, three of us are in agreement. that is either really good or really bad. chad henne is handsome and justin blackmon has a big dick though, so we should be good. but i seem to recall underestimating ryan fitzpatrick's handsomeness before...
PHI +10 @ DAL (2 nuts): the eagles are crappy, but so are the cowboys. while murray may be back, 10 points is a big nut to cover and all nick foles has to do is avoid be awful. plus dez bryant is a still a genius, a big ol' giant dicked genius.
WAS +3 vs NYG (2 nuts): greasy 3000 definitely has a bigger dick that horse face, jr. 'nuff said.

records through week 12:
billy rubin: 14-21-1, -17 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
nyt: 20-15-1, +14 nuts

NFL Week 16

It's the second to last week of the 2010-11 NFL season, so it's time to go on a roll and make up for some recent, sub-par weeks. Without further ado, here are our picks:

billy rubin: I'm in Paris and I'm about to go look at some Frenchies walk around being all French and stuff, so I'm a little out of the NFL loop, but here are the games I like the most this week:

BAL -3.5 vs. CLE: The Browns are pretty much a one trick pony, and while they're not an elite defense anymore, the Ravens are good against the run and against RBs in the passing game. They should be able to contain Hillis, if not shut him down completely. Baltimore's offense is far from the juggernaut people expected, and Cleveland has proven somewhat effective at preventing opposing WRs from having big games, so this will likely be the Ray Rice show, hopefully resulting in a win of four points or more.

HOU -2.5 @ DEN: I'm not 100% sure anybody in this game will care about the outcome, and it's tough to go against Jesus' own flesh and blood (Tim Tebow) the day after his pagan birthday celebration, but I just can't see Houston winning by less than four in this game, unless there's standing water, because Tim Tebow can walk on water.

SD -8 @ CIN: There's a good chance that the Bengals literally do not show up for this game. I'd certainly want to stay home and play with my Christmas gifts and eat leftovers if I were them. If they do decide to show up, they will be able to enjoy Rivers and company running up and down the field scoring points at will, while Carson Palmer and his noodle arm will enjoy being shut down on offense.

For what it's worth, I also really like the overs in New England @ Buffalo (44.5) and Jacksonville @ Washington (46), and I'd love to play the Niners +2.5 @ St. Louis, but there's this big dumb hall of famer that pretty much erases any confidence I have in that line.

known associate:
useful stat that some handicapping geek dug out: from 1981-2000, home dogs of 2+ points covered 52% of the time during weeks 1-14. not bad but not enough to turn a profit when factoring in the vig (54% is the magic # for cappers). BUT during the last 3 weeks of the season, that number goes up to 61%. do what you will with that but either way, late regular season betting in the NFL is crazy time so i'd advise tempering the amount of your wagers. while some teams are fighting for the playoffs or byes, others are looking towards the offseason or resting starters.

BAL -3.5 @ cle
- did i say some shit about home dogs of 2+ points? i forget. also, peyton hillis (aka the browns offense) is out.
det @ mia UNDER 41.5
- putting my faith in the dolphin defense. and offense.
DEN +2.5 vs hou
- the broncos' coach kinda reminds me of the (not so) big (but very) dumb dude on the niners sideline but the texans look like they've flat out just quit playing.

i also like the new york football giants to bounce back in green bay but that home dog stat kept it from being one of my top 3 plays. although, it may be my biggest money play today if i win a few of the 10am games or have a few more brews during that time. that nyg pass rush should prove to be too much for a certain recently concussed quarterback and the packer o-line.