NFL Week 13 Picks

Not Your Type

IND +6 @ DET (3 nuts)
JAX +6.5 @ BUF (2 nuts)
TB @ DEN -7.5 (4 nuts)

And here is a rant:  I think Harry Wofford from Comcast Sports/NBC is a big-ass bag of dicks.  The dude is totally full of shit, yet doesn't know shit.  In a market full of dick-hole broadcasters, he takes the cake(which happens to be in the shape of a dick enveloping another dick).

known associate:
JAC +6.5 at buf (4 nuts)
ind at DET -6 (2 nuts)
cin at SD +1 (2 nuts)

billy rubin:
JAX +6 @ BUG (3 nuts): uh-oh, three of us are in agreement. that is either really good or really bad. chad henne is handsome and justin blackmon has a big dick though, so we should be good. but i seem to recall underestimating ryan fitzpatrick's handsomeness before...
PHI +10 @ DAL (2 nuts): the eagles are crappy, but so are the cowboys. while murray may be back, 10 points is a big nut to cover and all nick foles has to do is avoid be awful. plus dez bryant is a still a genius, a big ol' giant dicked genius.
WAS +3 vs NYG (2 nuts): greasy 3000 definitely has a bigger dick that horse face, jr. 'nuff said.

records through week 12:
billy rubin: 14-21-1, -17 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
nyt: 20-15-1, +14 nuts

NFL Week 5 Picks: Greg Halman Edition

click here for a fascinatingly tragic read. then let noted bipolar schizophrenic Daniel Johnston cheer you up some...

as for NFL, i'm considering laying nuts on the following, in order:
chiefs, skins, aints, pack, panthers, browns, and under in jax.

known associate:
atlanta at WASHINGTON +3 (3 nuts)
i liked the skins even before i read the weather report. rg3 and the ground game will control the tempo while matt ryan will wish he was by the fire, sippin white wine with his gay lover. skins win straight up but i'll gladly take the field goal.
- falcons 24 redskins 17.  -3 nuts.
can't cap injuries but i guess it was only a matter of time before rg3 got hurt.

the titans will probably be my second biggest play but i'll wait it out in hopes of a favorable line move.
TENNESSEE +6 at minnesota (3 nuts)
- titans 7 vikings 30. -3 nuts.
i havent watched this game yet but it's probably safe to call this a dumb bet.

CLEVELAND +8 at new york giants (2 nuts)
- browns 27 giants 41. -2 nuts.
i still think this was a decent bet. let me explain. browns were driving deep in giants territory with a couple minutes left in the half, up 17-10. on 3rd and 1, with arguably the beastliest of current NFL backs at their disposal, they call a pass play. the pass is picked and the giants score a td soon after. on the ensuing kickoff, josh cribbs breaks free for a long return but fumbles the ball at the very end. giants score another td soon after. on the ensuing possession, with little time on the clock, the browns play it aggressively and try to score. they fail and also fail to run out the clock. giants get the ball back with a few seconds left and, thanks to a bullshit defensive PI call (ball was uncatchable) on what shouldve been the last play of the half, convert a field goal to end the half. so... instead of being up 20-10 (or even 24-10), browns end the half down 17-27. that's at least a 20 point swing right there. all in the span of a couple (game) minutes. i guess bad things happen to bad teams but still...

known associate week 3 results: 0-3. -8 nuts.

billy rubin:
it's 5:30am and i hope i am not making bad decisions...

HOU -9 @ NYJ (3 nuts): i feel very strongly about this. i know it's a primetime game and the jets really have something to prove after the niner game, but they're just too bad and houston is too good.

BUF @ SF o45 (3 nuts): speaking of the niners, i think the spread is pretty spot on, but buffalo can score points so the niners will have to do so also in order to beat the bills by 10 points or so. a defensive touchdown for the niners is highly likely, i'd say.

CHI @ JAX u40.5 (3 nuts): this could be a crazy game, but i've got to believe that the bears defensive is too much for blaine gabbert to handle. i just hope he doesn't throw four pick 6s or something and screw this all up.

1-2, -3 nuts

i also like DEN +6.5 @ NE, TEN @ MIN o44 and ATL -3 @ WAS. to a lesser degree: GB @ IND u48, MIN -6 vs TEN and SEA +3 @ CAR.

fresh off the jack off session, blue whale's mind is clear for some sunday morning mackshun:

Philadelphia at PITTSBURGH -3.5 (3 nuts)  coming off a bye at full strength Pittsburgh Steelers easy cover against mediocre Eagles who had a divisional win off of the Giants last week.
Eagles 14 Steelers 16 I cannot stand the incompetence of the AFC north.  -3 nuts

Atlanta at WASHINGTON +3 (3 Nuts) I like the many factors in favor for the Redskins in the this matchup.  Mother Nature, the 'skins ground game proper and Atlanta not in a dome.  The team with the natural run game will come out on top in this matchup up.
Falcons 24 Redskins 17 Valient effout by young Cousins who was way over his head.  You cant predict injuries for it is 9 and O.  - 3 nuts

Cleveland at New York Gz -8 (3 nuts) New York humiliated on National TV by a divisional foe.  Giants were their own worst enemy as they gave the gameaway against the Eagles.  The public love fading the Giant's in this matchup as the the line now has been bogged down from -10 to -8.  A low scoring affair and the Giants will be triumphant 27-3.
Brown 27 Giants 41 It was a high scoring affair after all. +3 units

not a good start in the morning.  I also went with Baltimore -6.  Bounce back in the lunchtime with these picks Jacksonville +6.5, New England -6 and Buffalo +10.  No nuts just saying.

Not Your Type

Vice @ WKRP In -3 (3 nuts) Crocket and Tubbs will succumb to Loni Anderson's B.A.Ts to the tune of at least 4.  Yes, I mean Battle Android Troopers.

PHI @ PIT over 44 (3 nuts) Are we talking about crimes committed(alleged or actual) by their respective QB1's?

BAL @ KC +6 (3 nuts) My gut is telling me to go with the Chiefs.  It is also telling me that I have to drop a former Saints running back whose last name is McAllister.
1-2, -3 nuts


record through week 4:
known associate. 7-5. +7 nuts.
billy rubin: 5-7. -6 nuts.
blue whale. +10 nuts
nyt 3-9, -21 nuts

NFL Week 4 Picks

Not Your Type

I am not done blaming the replacement officials for my crummy record in picking games.  With that said, here's three more losers:

Cincinnati -1.5 @ Jacksonville (3 nuts)

Seattle -2.5 @ St. Louis (3 nuts)

Miami @ Arizona -4 (4 nuts)
1-2, -4 nuts

blue whale
It is time to come on with the come on and get down with the get down.  Off top...

New England Patriots -4 at Buffalo Bills (3 nuts)
must win situation for different reasons.  New England cannot go three losses in a row and Buffalo needs to be one up on the Pats in this series.  Belicheck will pull everything out of the playbook to cover on the road.
Patriots 52 Bills 28 Easy like Sunday Morning.. Vintage Belicheck running up the score with straight cockiness.  (3 nuts)

San Francisco 49ers at New York Jets +4 (3 nuts)
need to stop frontin and hand the rock to Bilal Powell.  I am a little bit concerned about McKnight playing in Revis' spot.  But this indicates that the Jets are desperate and will do anything for a win 49ers 34 Jets 0 I didnt expect a route.  I thought Sanchize was going to show up at home in front of the crowd against the cream of the crop.  You can categorize Santonio Holmes in the bitch section for that fumble.  It look like he got back handed by Madea in one of Tyler Perry's movies. (-3 nuts)

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans -13 (3 nuts)
Damn that line jump from 11.5 to 13 is a bit discerning.  But homefield advantage and the Titans atrocious D should allow the Texans to have their way with them.
Titans 14 Texans 38 Locker was taken out of this game early.  Would he have made a difference who know's the positive is that Chris Johnson finally came through.  Is it because the lanes have been open and the defense respected Hassleback's arm?  Nonetheless it another win under my belt. (3 nuts)

...defensive coordinator for the Arizona Cardinals Ray Horton is hard. 

blue whale's week 4 results 3 nuts

known associate:
seattle at ST. LOUIS +2.5 (4 nuts)
- seahawks 13 rams 19. +4 nuts.
carolina at atlanta OVER 47 (2 nuts)
- panthers 28 falcons 30. +2 nuts.
SAN DIEGO -2.5 at kansas city (3 nuts)
- chargers 37 chiefs 20. +3 nuts.
dolphins and jags in the afternoon.
- miami should've won straight up.

known associate week 4 results: 3-0. +9 nuts. 

billy rubin:
these got erased somehow, but here are my picks:
san diego -2.5 @ kansas city (3 nuts)
san diego @ kansas city over 43 (3 nuts)
SD 32 KC 20. +6 nuts
seattle -2.5 @ st. louis (2 nuts)
SEA 13 StL 19. -2 nuts
Week: 2-1 +4 nuts
Season: 5-7 -6 nuts

records through week 3:
known associate. 4-5. -2 nuts.
nyt: 2-7, -17 nuts