NFL Week 1 Picks

     formerly known as kNot Yore Type

MIA +1 @ CLE; 5 nuts
Dan Marino will be like "Uu huh." and Bernie Kosar will be like "No way." and Mark Duper will be like "Yes way." and Ozzie Newsome will be like "Nope." Larry Csonka and Jim Brown will run around. Then Cleveland will try to move to Baltimore, only to discover that they had moved there previously.  Then LeBron James will show off his championships.  And Bone, but 2 Live Crew.  So Miami, +1.

SEA @ CAR + 3.5; 2 nuts
Going on the road, to the east coast, to start the season?  That is a tough assignment.  Seattle's DBs may wish that they could play some Fantasy Movie Casting so they could add Errol Flynn.   Anyone?  Anyone???  
 The Waterhabitatingbirdsofprey may eek one out, and if they do, it will be by the slimmest of margins.  I can see Carolina winning this straight up because Seattle may not be able to sustain their energy level throughout the entire game, unless Starbucks shows up with some greenie-enhanced coffee. 

KC -3.5 @ JAX; 3 nuts
Alex Smith will Joe Montana the Chiefs to an at least two score victory.  Steve Bono and Elvis Grbac will read this and think they are better than Alex Smith.  Alex Smith will laugh.  He is way smarter than those two guys.  

(2-1; 6 nuts)

billy rubin says:

CAR +3.5 vs SEA; 2 nuts
What he said, plus Seattle's D is hurt and suspended. But Ron Rivera, though. 

AZ +4 @ StL; 2 nuts
Unless the Rams get really creative with Tavon Austin and catch the Cardinals off guard, I think this one goes to the birds straight up like Paula Abdul. 

GB @ SF over 49; 3 nuts
 This is the Packers' Super Bowl and the Niners D is as fresh and healthy as it will be all year, so there's risk with this, but there's just too much talent at the skill positions on both teams for this one to be a low scoring affair. 

(2-1; 3 nuts)



known associate's half-ass researched plays:
sea at CAR +3.5 (2 nuts)
oak at IND -11 (2 nuts)
tb at nyj UNDER 40 (3 nuts)
i prefer first half bets for both side plays, hope defensive scores don't push the total over.
3-0 for my wallet as i only played the 1H sides.
but (1-2. -1 nut)

NFL Week 14 Picks

NYT

BAL +2.5 @ WAS (2 nuts)
TEN @ IND -5 (3 nuts)
DAL @ CIN -3.5 (3 nuts)


known associate:
atl at CAR +3.5 (3 nuts) straight up win
NO +4.5 at nyg (3 nuts) loss
DET +6.5 at gb (2 nuts) half point loss
titans nearly made the cut.
titans either covered or pushed depending on your line.
smaller plays on pats, browns, skins, jags, eagles.
pats killed. browns covered. skins covered and rg3 threw an incompletion that was more exciting to watch than 99% of alex smith's completions. jags miss cecil shorts, didn't cover. eagles won straight up as dogs.
week 14: 1-2, -2 nuts.

billy rubin:

TEN +5.5 @ IND (2 nuts): i hate to go against not your type, who clearly has the football gods' ears this season, but this weekend is full of crappy games/lines and this is one of the few that stands out to me as a play.
CIN - 3.5 vs DAL (4 nuts): now i'm a little worried about the fact that NYT and i agree on this. hopefully andy dalton employs reverse racism and treats the cowboys like red-headed stepchildren. or just reverse cowboys someone and gets some ball-to-ball action. matt ryan would probably like that.
PHI +7.5 @ TB (2 nuts): i'm not too sure about riding the nick foles train for two weeks in a row, especially in a contest where he likely has the smaller penis between the starting qbs, but all the eagles have to do is lose by only a td. it's not like this is the tampa defense of yore anyway.

records through week 13:
known associate: 16-21-2, -12 nuts
nyt : 21-17-1, +13 nuts