Saturday, September 11, 2010

NFL 2010 Week 1

Imma pick some teams and scores and stuff and write a run-on sentence while I'm at it because I don't believe in sentence structure or punctuation.;,:"^picks now -

Lines are based on as of 9:33 PM. The numbers are based on the average of the high and low numbers provided.

Pick #1:

Bengals vs. Partriots over 44

I'm looking for some Tooshdowns.

Result: Success - The score wasn't looking too good early on, but these guys easily surpassed 44. Wes Welker showed that leg surgery can't slow him down and Chad 85 played like it was 2007.

Pick #2:

Colts vs. Texans: Texans +2.5

Hella passing, with the Texans having a bit more hella.

Result: Success - Schaub didn't get the numbers I thought he'd get, but Manning threw enough for two Alex Smiths. Arian Foster flexed his leg muscles, though. If he was a little metal marble, he ran himself ragged and ran the Texans to victory.

Bonus points for anybody that gets the obscure reference.

Pick # 3:

Ravens vs. Jets: Ravens +2.5

The Ravens will crack open a soda and put some Crush on the Jets. They will have it all and make it real.

Result: Success - Apparently, naming some of the Jets' hit songs worked.


Billy Rubin is at Disneyland, and he's typing in the third person. I'm using Vegas Insider's current line for Caesers/Harrah's/Rio for my lines, except for the cocaine lines, I'm using cocaine for those.

Here are my picks:

Seattle +3 vs. San Francisco: I'm a hater and I hate Mike Singletary. Plus, Pete Carroll is a bad NFL coach, but Mike Singletary is a worse NFL coach. And Jimmy Raye.

Result: Success! Good job Niners, you made me look smart...and in the process you all looked like damned fools. (I didn't actually watch the game, so I don't really know what anybody looked like. Except Mike Singletary and Jimmy Raye, they look like morons all the time).

Baltimore +2.5 @ New York Jets: Mark Sanchez isn't that great. Shonn Greene can't catch. The Jets WRs are weaksauce. Joe Flacco is secretly really good and there's only one Darrelle Revis.

Result: Success! Mark Sanchez did his best Alex Smith.

Detroit @ Chicago, over 44.5: It's gonna be like they're smoking hella blunts in Chicago - pass, pass, pass, pass, pass.

Result: Failure! (cue sad trombones). Matthew Stafford wasn't supposed to get hurt this early. Geez, give me a heads up next time.


known associate will most definitely not be laying down any real money on the following picks:

Dolphins -3 @ Bills... win 15-10 miami
Packers -3 @ Eagles... win 27-20 green bay
Texans +1.5 vs. Colts... win 34-24 houston
(3-1-1 overall)

image via zimbio.

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