College Bowl Picks Part One

known associate:
starting this off with a degenerate special play for the div III championship!
12.14
st. thomas vs MOUNT UNION -18.5 at salem, va (1 nut)
- tommies 10 purple raiders 28. -1 nut.
degenerate special indeed. and why the fuck was the new mexico bowl at 10am, on a saturday, with only one other bowl game scheduled?
back later this week with more plays...
12.21
ball state vs central florida OVER 59.5 (1 nut)
tease BALL ST +14.5/OVER 52.5 (1 nut)
0-2, -2 nuts.
12.26
CENTRAL MICHIGAN +7 vs western kentucky at detroit (1 nut)
chippewas finished the season stronger and are playing in their home state.
- chippewas 24 hilltoppers 21. +1 nut.
also gonna play this under system in spots. long layoffs lead to rusty offenses while the second half chase provides decent insurance. just small for today's matchup though.
- 2nd half under hit.
12.27
lean under for noon. will take 2h if it's a play.
cincinnati vs DUKE +10 at charlotte (3 nuts)
the pass-happy blue devils are playing their first bowl game in 17 years, led by a 5th year head coach and redshirt senior QB. the bearcats are playing their 4th bowl game in 5 years; without their head coach. they've also surrendered 502 yards per game to the only 2 decent passing teams they've faced this season (syracuse and lousville). cincy is more talented but all other signs point to a motivated duke team pulling off an upset in their home state. these ladies ain't helping though:

lean over for the evening but damn that total is awfully high.
- bearcats 48 blue devils 34. -3 nuts.
this really was the worst beat ever. devils were at the cats 5 with 1:30 to go in a tie game yet somehow lose... by 14! shit like this can't be rigged.
12.28
ohio vs LA MONROE -7 at shreveport, la (1 nut)
the bobcats don't match up well with the warhawks on either side of the ball; lacking both the vertical threat to expose ULM's shaky secondary and the requisite speed in their own defensive backfield to slow down kolton browning and his deep receiving corps. warhawks are also playing in their first bowl game, ever, and in their home state. weather is a concern but i'm posting this now in case i sleep through kickoff. might add a nut in the morn if i don't.
- bobcats 45 warhawks 14. -1 nut.
my match up analysis was on point... except for the opposite teams. no idea how the warhawks beat arkansas and hung with auburn and baylor.
lean tech, two times.
rutgers vs VIRGINIA TECH PK at orlando, fl (1 nut)
taking beamer and his bowl experienced boys over a rutgers team that just choked away it's chance at school history (and a bcs bowl).
- scarlet knights 10 hokies 13. +1 nut.
i thought this bet was dead after rutgers' fluke (and only) td started the scoring. logan thomas isn't an nfl qb.
minnesota vs TEXAS TECH -13 at houston, tx (1 nut)
fade it.
- golden gophers 31 red raiders 34. -1 nut.
told you.
12.29
west virginia vs SYRACUSE +4 at yankee stadium (2 nuts)
- mountaineers 14 orange 38. +2 nuts.
wvu vs syr UNDER 35 first half (1 nut)
doubt geno smith and his boys want to play in the snow (or wintry mix).
- mountaineers 7 orange 12. +1 nut.
tease ARIZONA STATE -6.5/OVER 47.5 vs navy at at&t park (1 nut)
navy is outmanned and under-motivated (after their big win vs army).
lean beavers and spartans.
- midshipmen 28 sun devils 62. +1 nut
12.31
georgia tech vs usc UNDER 31.5 first half at windy el paso, tx (1 nut)
- yellowjackets 7 trojans 7 (7-21 final). +1 nut
CLEMSON +6 vs lsu at georgia dome (1 nut)
- tigers 25 tigers 24. +1 nut

2012 NCAA bowl record (through 12.31):
known associate: 7-6. no nuts

2012 NCAA regular season record:
known associate: 19-17-1. -6 nuts
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts

NFL Week 16 Picks

known associate:
locking two plays in...
no at dal OVER 52 (3 nuts)
the cowboys offense has been better of late and getting demarco back to top form should only help. more importantly, the saints rank 30th in red zone conversion defense (% of TDs allowed) and they're at their worst on the road; allowing a touchdown 72% of the time. brees should get his.
was at phi OVER 45 (3 nuts)
both teams are pretty shitty defensively in the red zone; ranking 26th or worse. reid and foles have nothing to lose and could be motivated to put on a show in their last home game of 2012. weather shouldn't be a factor.
the giants are probably going to be my third play. also considering browns, the unders in gb and nyj, and the over in seattle.
NYG -2 at bal (1 nut)

billy rubin:
PIT -3 vs CIN (3 nuts)
DAL -3 vs NO (3 nuts)
CHI -7 @ AZ (3 nuts)

NYT

IND -5.5 @ KC (3 nuts)
NO +2.5 @ DAL (3 nuts)
STL +3 @ TB (3 nuts)


records through week 15:
known associate: 17-26-2, -21 nuts (week 15: 0-3, -7 nuts)
nyt: 23-21-1, +9 nuts

NFL Week 15 Picks

NYT

CAR +3 @SD (4 nuts)
TB @ NO -3.5 (2 nuts)
CHI @ GB over 43.5 (2 nuts)

billy rubin:

TB +3.5 vs. NO (2 nuts): yikes, going against NYT again. oh well, josh freeman is a 6'6" black man and drew brees is a 6'0" (listed) white man. advantage (in the pants), freeman.
DEN @ BAL o48 (3 nuts): manning should be good for the lion's share of this and hopefully cam cameron was actually holding back the ravens offense.
IND +10.5 @ HOU (2 nuts): indy isn't nearly as good a team as their record would indicate, and houston should be out to prove something, but i just can't see this being a two score game. over is probably the smarter play for this game, but i just wrote two whole sentences so fuck it.

known associate:
NYG +1 at atl (3 nuts)
- giants 0 falcons 34. -3 nuts
everyone's favorite gay qb and his boytoys played their only complete game of the season but i'm still not buying the falcons as a top superbowl contender. "statement game" my butthole. more like an outlier game.
JAC +7.5 at mia (2 nuts)
- jaguars 3 dolphins 24. -2 nuts
not that i deserved to win this play but this score is a bit misleading. the jags hung with the fins (leading in yardage for most of the game) but turned it over on downs in the redzone three times! also, the final td came very late in game. lol @me for layin nuts on shit teams.
PIT +1 at dal (2 nuts)
- steelers 24 cowboys 27 (ot). -2 nuts
reverse cowboys were 0-6 ats at jerryland this season. i shoulda layed off this game tho. steelers d is aging quick.
also played broncos for 2 nuts.
lol @jim caldwell. i'm far from a cam cameron apologist but it looks like the ravens made a bad situation worse. check caldwell's resume. pretty sure dude has never called plays, ever. he did get outcoached by sean payton in the superbowl tho.
bucs, panthers, bills, niners, texans 1h for lesser nuts.
panthers were the play, bills and bucs are some assclowns on defense. texans really didn't deserve to cover the 1h or the game. go niners tho!
week 15: 0-3, -7 nuts. 


records through week 14:
known associate: 17-23-2, -14 nuts (week 14 1-2 -2 nuts)
21 -20-1, +5 nuts

Get Off My Lawn!! - The Rantings of An Old Man

As the elder statesman of the contributors to this blog, I feel it is my calling to complain about things that draw my ire.  My latest target: NBC's Take It All.  This shit makes me want to send my foot back in time to when these episodes were recorded to kick everyone involved with it in the dick(or equivalent) while the part of me stuck in the present seethes.

more to come...maybe.

NFL Week 14 Picks

NYT

BAL +2.5 @ WAS (2 nuts)
TEN @ IND -5 (3 nuts)
DAL @ CIN -3.5 (3 nuts)


known associate:
atl at CAR +3.5 (3 nuts) straight up win
NO +4.5 at nyg (3 nuts) loss
DET +6.5 at gb (2 nuts) half point loss
titans nearly made the cut.
titans either covered or pushed depending on your line.
smaller plays on pats, browns, skins, jags, eagles.
pats killed. browns covered. skins covered and rg3 threw an incompletion that was more exciting to watch than 99% of alex smith's completions. jags miss cecil shorts, didn't cover. eagles won straight up as dogs.
week 14: 1-2, -2 nuts.

billy rubin:

TEN +5.5 @ IND (2 nuts): i hate to go against not your type, who clearly has the football gods' ears this season, but this weekend is full of crappy games/lines and this is one of the few that stands out to me as a play.
CIN - 3.5 vs DAL (4 nuts): now i'm a little worried about the fact that NYT and i agree on this. hopefully andy dalton employs reverse racism and treats the cowboys like red-headed stepchildren. or just reverse cowboys someone and gets some ball-to-ball action. matt ryan would probably like that.
PHI +7.5 @ TB (2 nuts): i'm not too sure about riding the nick foles train for two weeks in a row, especially in a contest where he likely has the smaller penis between the starting qbs, but all the eagles have to do is lose by only a td. it's not like this is the tampa defense of yore anyway.

records through week 13:
known associate: 16-21-2, -12 nuts
nyt : 21-17-1, +13 nuts

NFL Week 13 Picks

Not Your Type

IND +6 @ DET (3 nuts)
JAX +6.5 @ BUF (2 nuts)
TB @ DEN -7.5 (4 nuts)

And here is a rant:  I think Harry Wofford from Comcast Sports/NBC is a big-ass bag of dicks.  The dude is totally full of shit, yet doesn't know shit.  In a market full of dick-hole broadcasters, he takes the cake(which happens to be in the shape of a dick enveloping another dick).

known associate:
JAC +6.5 at buf (4 nuts)
ind at DET -6 (2 nuts)
cin at SD +1 (2 nuts)

billy rubin:
JAX +6 @ BUG (3 nuts): uh-oh, three of us are in agreement. that is either really good or really bad. chad henne is handsome and justin blackmon has a big dick though, so we should be good. but i seem to recall underestimating ryan fitzpatrick's handsomeness before...
PHI +10 @ DAL (2 nuts): the eagles are crappy, but so are the cowboys. while murray may be back, 10 points is a big nut to cover and all nick foles has to do is avoid be awful. plus dez bryant is a still a genius, a big ol' giant dicked genius.
WAS +3 vs NYG (2 nuts): greasy 3000 definitely has a bigger dick that horse face, jr. 'nuff said.

records through week 12:
billy rubin: 14-21-1, -17 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
nyt: 20-15-1, +14 nuts

NFL Week 12 PIcks

billy rubin:
browns +2 (3 nuts)
ravens pk (2 nuts)
packers +3 (2 nuts)

2-1, +3 nuts

known associate:
PIT -1 at cle (3 nuts)
the steeler d always steps up when big ben is out and old man batch is an upgrade over gimpy leftwich.
- steelers 14 browns 20. -3 nuts.
so maybe d'donte wasn't an upgrade over the gimp. or maybe he was. we'll never know because the steelers (mostly running backs) fumbled the ball 6 times. the browns scored 17 points off turnovers yet only won by 4 points.
atl at TB +1 (3 nuts)
the 9-1 falcons should really be about 6-3 and might be looking ahead to their thursday night matchup against the rival saints. they also can't stop the run. and matt ryan is super gay.
- falcons 24 bucs 23. push.
i still think the falcons should be 7-3, at best. though, their run defense acquitted itself nicely (for 1 game, at least). and they're finally giving jacquizz more touches.
bal at SD pk (3 nuts)
this game doesn't mean much to a ravens team traveling cross country while it's a must win for the chargers.
- ravens 16 chargers 13 (ot). -3 nuts.
fuck this game. the ravens clearly didnt give a shit but the chargers still managed to squander a 10 point 4th quarter lead; with the last 3 points coming after a 4th and 29 (!) conversion on a desperation checkdown. even worse, ray rice probably didnt gain the necessary yardage. upon review, they ruled that his knee was down at the 35 yard line and marked the ball at the 33.5 yard line. that's a distance of 4.5 feet. there is no way there could be 4.5 feet between rice's knee and his arms. that dude is 5'7"! shit like this makes me wanna quit betting on the NFL. not that i will or anything.

also playin over in indy, titans, raiders, dolphins.
and i'll be on the rams. ryan lindley is favored. that's stupid.
i like the saints but fear the harbaugh-calypse.
lean pack.
week 12: 0-2-1, -6 nuts.

nyt:
BUF @ IND -2 (3 nuts)
SEA -3 @ MIA (3 nuts)
ATL -1 @ TB (2 nuts)


records through week 11:
known associate: 16-16-1. +2 nuts (last week: 2-1, +1 nut)
billy rubin: 12-20-1, -20 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
not your type 19-14, +14 nuts

College Football Week 13 Picks

unrelated, fade these...
STANFORD -2.5 at ucla (2 nuts)
the ducks are pounding the beavers so this is a must win for the trees while the bruins are in a letdown spot after toppling the trojans. stanford d-line should dominate.
- cardinal 35 bruins 17. +2 nuts.
TEASE texas a&m -16.5/usc +11.5 (1 nut)
word is billy walters is on the aggies.
- tigers 29 aggies 59/irish 22 trojans 13. +1 nut.
louisiana tech at san jose state OVER 76 (1 nut)
- bulldogs 43 spartans 52. +1 nut.
week 13: 3-0. +4 nuts.

2012 NCAA Record through week 12:
known associate: 16-17-1. -10 nuts (week 11: 0-1, -2 nuts)
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts

Week 11 (Dick) Pic(k)s

This season is so fun so far! This week promises to bring more fun for everyone, something like the Dayman, ah-aaah!

billy rubin:

i don't know how much time i'll have to devote to research and projections, so i'm going to start early with thursday night football.

MIA +3 @ BUF (3 nuts): i'm pretty sure ryan tannehill is more handsome than ryan fitzpatrick so the buffalo LBs and DBs will alternately be blushing and all boned up when they see tannehill in his tight sexy football pants with his augmented dick protector cup bulge. in my honest opinion, that will be the difference in this game - the bills defense playing with boners because of the handsomeness of the dolphins qb. not to take anything away from fitzpatrick though, because i've heard that he has a reputation for having a giant penis and some of the dolphins defenders might get caught thinking about fitzpatrick's big ol' penis on a play action and lose track of cj spiller, who, i presume, is also well endowed in his crotch. basically, it all comes down to penises, per usual. put your money on that!
CLE +7.5 @ DAL (3 nuts): Surely, Trent Richardson has a big penis, and Tony Romo must have a small one, which is why he's always got a new girlfriend - can't keep them satisfied. Plus, Dez Bryant is too busy working on his doctorate to learn his routes. Reverse Cowboy all day!
SD +7.5 @ DEN (3 nuts): Peyton Manning might have the face of a horse, but I doubt that extends to the rest of his anatomy. Philip Rivers didn't get his last name by not being a prolific ejaculator. The luck of the Irish will not be with Willis McGahee this week.

2-1, +3 nuts

known associate:
gb at det OVER 52 (4 nuts)
rodgers and stafford indoors against banged up defenses.
bal at PIT +3.5 (3 nuts)
last play came down to cards, pats, raiders, panthers, or...
CLE +7 at dal (2 nuts)


nyt:
TB -1.5 @ CAR (4 nuts)
CLE +7 @ DAL (3 nuts)
JAX +15 @ HOU (3 nuts)


records through week 10:
known associate: 14-15-1. +1 nut (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
nyt: 16-14, +4 nuts
billy rubin: 10-19-1, -23 nuts (last week: 0-3, -7 nuts)

College Football Week 12 Picks

congrats buster.
known associate:
tennessee at vanderbilt OVER 60 (2 nuts)
will probably be on the trees too.
- vols 18 commodores 41. -2 nuts.
bleh. trees shocked it though.

2012 NCAA Record through week 11:
known associate: 16-16-1. -8 nuts (week 10: 1-2, -2 nuts)
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts

NFL Week 10 PIcks: akaFRANK Edition

known associate:
i'm looking at 4 dogs (panthers, titans, bengals and saints) but will wait til the a.m. to lock in any plays as i'm expecting favorable line moves.
denver at CAROLINA +3.5 (3 nuts)
- broncos 36 panthers 14. -3 nuts.
new york giants at CINCINNATI +4 (3 nuts)
- giants 13 bengals 31. +3 nuts.
TENNESSEE +7 at miami (3 nuts)
- titans 37 dolphins 3. +3 nuts.
also playin saints.
- week 10: 2-1, +3 nuts.

Not Your Type
SD @ TB -3 (3 nuts)
DEN -3.5 @ CAR (3 nuts)
OAK @ BAL -7.5 (3 nuts)
3-0, +9 nuts

billy rubin:
i didn't really get to do too much research or analysis this week, and clearly not before any of the morning games, so here goes nothing:
NYJ @ SEA o38.5 (3 nuts)
StL @ SF u37.5 (2 nuts)
SF -13 vs StL (2 nuts) - my projections actually have the rams covering, but screw it, i'm a niner fan (until they start playing games in lowly santa clara)

0-3, -7 nuts

records through week 9:
known associate: 12-14-1. -2 nuts (last week:1-2, -3 nuts)
nyt: 13-14, - 5 nuts
billy rubin: 10-19-1, -16 nuts (last week: 1-1-1, +1 nut)

NFL Week 9 PIcks

billy rubin:

The NFL has been an enigma to me this year and I anticipate Week 9 being no different. There are a couple early games I like, so I figure I'll get those on here tonight and add my third pick sometime tomorrow.

mia @ ind u43 (3 nuts): miami's a pretty good d going against a good, but still young and inexperienced QB. indy is a bad defense going against a pretty bad offense. i am hoping those particular matchups sufficiently suppress scoring on sunday. alliteration!

bal @ cle u44.5 (3 nuts): the ravens have a good offense, but cleveland has a surprisingly good defense. cleveland's offense has shown signs this year and baltimore's defense is far from elite these days, but i think this should be a tight game with tons of non-scoring fo dat ass.

buf @ hou o47.5 (2 nuts)

1-1-1, +1 nut

known associate:
buffalo at houston OVER 47.5 (3 nuts)
BUFFALO +11 at houston (3 nuts)
- bills 9 texans 21. -6 nuts.
miami at indianapolis UNDER 44 (3 nuts)
- dolphins 20 colts 23. +3 nuts.
had a hard time narrowing down my picks this week. i also like (in order) ravens, cowboys, over in jersey, over in nawlins, panthers... over in atl, steelers... bengals, over in dc.
- week 9 results: 1-2. -3 nuts.

not your type:
MIA @ IND +1.5 (3 nuts)
DET -5.5 @ JAX (3 nuts)
TB +1.5 @ OAK (4 nuts)
3-0, +10 nuts


records through week 8:
known associate: 11-12-1. +1 nut (last week:1-2, -3 nuts)
nyt: 10-14, -15 nuts
billy rubin: 9-15, -17 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)

College Football Week 10 Picks

skipped week 9 due to baseball.
known associate:
washington at CALIFORNIA -4 (1 nut)
sorry, couldn't resist.
- huskies 21 golden bears 13. -1 nut.
should've resisted.
was at CAL -2.5 2H (1 nut)
- huskies 14 golden bears 6. -1 nut.
not really sure how cal didn't cover either of these plays. oh wait, that's right.. zack maynard.
saturday..
ALABAMA -7 at lsu (2 nuts)
- tide 21 tigers 17. -2 nuts.
oregon at usc OVER 71 (2 nuts)
- ducks 62 trojans 51. +2 nuts.
week 10 results: 1-3. -2 nuts.

2012 NCAA Record through week 8:
known associate: 15-14-1. -6 nuts (week 8: 2-2, +1 nut)
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts

NFL Week 8 Picks

Not Your Type

NE -7 @ STL (3 nuts)
MIA @ NYJ -1 (2 nuts)
SD @ CLE +3 (2 nuts)
2-1, + 3 nuts

known associate:
atlanta at PHILADELPHIA -3 (3 nuts)
- falcons 30 eagles 17. -3 nuts.
MIAMI +1 at new york jets (3 nuts)
- dolphins 30 jets 9. +3 nuts.
WASHINGTON +4.5 at pittsburg (3 nuts)
- redskins 12 steelers 27. -3 nuts.
next biggest plays are cowboys and patriots
- week 8 results: 1-2, -3 nuts.

billy rubin:
guess i'm too late for the morning games, so i'll pick from the later games.
NO +6 @ DEN (3 nuts)
NYG -2.5 @ DAL (3 nuts)
SF @ AZ u38 (3 nuts)
as for the morning games, i really like(d) ATL +3 @ PHI and under in SEA @ DET, and to a lesser extent overs in JAX @ GB, SD @ CLE and MIA @ NYJ, and CHI -7.2 vs CAR.

2-1, +3 nuts

records through week 7:
known associate: 10-10-1. +4 nuts (last week:1-1-1, -2 nuts)
nyt: 8-13, -18 nuts
billy rubin: 7-14, -20 nuts (last week: 1-2, -4 nuts)

NFL Week 7 Picks

Not Your Type

I will blame this week's failures on making picks at 4:00 AM.  Here they go:

WAS +6 @ NYG (5 nuts)
CLE @ IND -1.5 (3 nuts)
TEN +3.5 @ BUF (2 nuts
3-0, +10 nuts

known associate:
BALTIMORE +7 at houston (4 nuts)
- ravens 13 texans 43. -4 nuts.
WASHINGTON +6 at new york giants (2 nuts)
- redskins 23 giants 27. +2 nuts.
ARIZONA +7 at minnesota (1 nut)
- cardinals 14 vikings 21. push.
also playin cle, jac, over in hou, over in buf.
and over in cin.
- known associate week 7 results: 1-1-1, -2 nuts.

billy rubin:
BAL +7 @ HOU (4 nuts)
CLE +1 vs IND (3 nuts)
WAS +6 @ NYG (3 nuts)

1-2, -4 nuts

records through week 6:
known associate. 9-9. +6 nuts. (last week: 2-1, +7 nuts)
nyt: 5-13, -28 nuts
billy rubin: 6-12, -16 nuts (last week: 0-3, -7 nuts)

College Football Week 7 & 8 Picks

known associate:
week 7 (10/13)...
morning...
TEXAS +3.5 vs oklahoma @dallas (1 nut)
- longhorns 21 sooners 63. -1 nut. dumb bet.
iowa st +12.5/under 54.5 TEASER (1 nut)
- wildcats 27 cyclones 21. +1 nut.
noon...
stanford at NOTRE DAME -7 (2 nuts)
- cardinal 13 fighting irish 20 (overtime). lucky push.
night...
ohio state at INDIANA +18.5 (2 nuts)
- buckeyes 52 hoosiers 49. +2 nuts. ea$y.
south carolina at LSU -3 (1 nut)
- cocks 21 tigers 23. -1 nut.
south carolina at LSU -1.5 FIRST HALF (1 nut)
- cocks 7 tigers 3. -1 nut.
week 7 results: 2-3-1. no nuts.

week 8...
posting here since i'm only playing a few and don't have time for writeups.
SOUTH CAROLINA +3.5 at florida (1 nut)
- cocks 11 gators 44. -1 nut. dumb bet.
NEW MEXICO STATE +31 at utah state (2 nuts)
- aggies 7 aggies 41. -2 nuts.
good thing i forgot to place this bet.
cincinnati at TOLEDO +6 (2 nuts)
- bearcats 23 rockets 29. +2 nuts.
good thing i also took em moneyline.
and cal might be the big game play but i have promises to keep re: tedford and maynard.
good thing i kept my promise.
added by text to Blue Whale...
ucf at MEMPHIS +24 (2 nuts)
- knights 35 tigers 17. +2 nuts.
good thing i added.
week 8 results: 2-2, +1 nut.

2012 NCAA Record through week 6:
known associate: 11-9. -7 nuts (last week: 3-2, +2 nuts)
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts

Get In Your Skin Like a Dermatologist

A$AP Rocky is nothing new to the blogosphere and neither is his fellow A$AP Mob member A$AP Ferg, who just happens to be my favorite new rapper of 2012. He's a borderline lyrical genius. Listening to his verses is like listening to an Eddie Van Halen guitar solo...if Eddie was on lean and listened only to mid-90s Memphis rap. Not to take anything away from the rest of A$AP Mob, but Fergie's songs/verses are the clear highlights of the A$AP catalog in my opinion. With that in mind, I decided to make a little greatest hits mix of all the Ferg songs and features I have. Nothing too fancy, just some easy listening crazy ass rapping. Check out the mix here.

Image via who-shot-ya.com

NFL Week 6 Picks

Not Your Type

DAL @ BAL -3.5 (4 nuts)
Edgar Allen Poe's Favorite Avian Creatures will be the ones who shot JR...if they could shoot guns and if JR were the opposite team.  Then they would go to jail but be acquitted of any wrongdoing.  

 STL + 5.5 @ MIA (3 nuts)
The Mountain Sheep have been making a habit of winning when they aren't expected to win.  Happy Water Mammals may not be so happy after this game.

OAK @ ATL over 49 (3 nuts)
The Southern Birds of Prey can score 49 all by their lonesome.  Let's see if the Pillagers of Fortune feel like contributing.
1-2, -4 nuts

known associate:
GREEN BAY +3.5 at houston (5 nuts)
- packers 42 texans 24. +5 nuts.
DALLAS +3.5 at baltimore (3 nuts)
- cowboys 29 ravens 31. +3 nuts.
new york giants at san francisco OVER 46 (1 nut)
- giants 26 49ers 3. -1 nut.
also like broncos, raiders, skins, over in houston
- week 6 results: 2-1. +7 nuts.

Blue Whale:
over in atlanta, patriots, jets (3 nuts each)

Billy Rubin:
patriots (3 nuts), cardinals, vikings (2 nuts each)

0-3, -7 nuts

records through week 5:
known associate. 7-8. -1 nut. (last week: 0-3, -8 nuts)
nyt: 4-11, -24 nuts
billy rubin: 6-9, -9 nuts (last week: 1-2, -3 nuts)

NFL Week 5 Picks: Greg Halman Edition

click here for a fascinatingly tragic read. then let noted bipolar schizophrenic Daniel Johnston cheer you up some...

as for NFL, i'm considering laying nuts on the following, in order:
chiefs, skins, aints, pack, panthers, browns, and under in jax.

known associate:
atlanta at WASHINGTON +3 (3 nuts)
i liked the skins even before i read the weather report. rg3 and the ground game will control the tempo while matt ryan will wish he was by the fire, sippin white wine with his gay lover. skins win straight up but i'll gladly take the field goal.
- falcons 24 redskins 17.  -3 nuts.
can't cap injuries but i guess it was only a matter of time before rg3 got hurt.

the titans will probably be my second biggest play but i'll wait it out in hopes of a favorable line move.
TENNESSEE +6 at minnesota (3 nuts)
- titans 7 vikings 30. -3 nuts.
i havent watched this game yet but it's probably safe to call this a dumb bet.

CLEVELAND +8 at new york giants (2 nuts)
- browns 27 giants 41. -2 nuts.
i still think this was a decent bet. let me explain. browns were driving deep in giants territory with a couple minutes left in the half, up 17-10. on 3rd and 1, with arguably the beastliest of current NFL backs at their disposal, they call a pass play. the pass is picked and the giants score a td soon after. on the ensuing kickoff, josh cribbs breaks free for a long return but fumbles the ball at the very end. giants score another td soon after. on the ensuing possession, with little time on the clock, the browns play it aggressively and try to score. they fail and also fail to run out the clock. giants get the ball back with a few seconds left and, thanks to a bullshit defensive PI call (ball was uncatchable) on what shouldve been the last play of the half, convert a field goal to end the half. so... instead of being up 20-10 (or even 24-10), browns end the half down 17-27. that's at least a 20 point swing right there. all in the span of a couple (game) minutes. i guess bad things happen to bad teams but still...

known associate week 3 results: 0-3. -8 nuts.

billy rubin:
it's 5:30am and i hope i am not making bad decisions...

HOU -9 @ NYJ (3 nuts): i feel very strongly about this. i know it's a primetime game and the jets really have something to prove after the niner game, but they're just too bad and houston is too good.

BUF @ SF o45 (3 nuts): speaking of the niners, i think the spread is pretty spot on, but buffalo can score points so the niners will have to do so also in order to beat the bills by 10 points or so. a defensive touchdown for the niners is highly likely, i'd say.

CHI @ JAX u40.5 (3 nuts): this could be a crazy game, but i've got to believe that the bears defensive is too much for blaine gabbert to handle. i just hope he doesn't throw four pick 6s or something and screw this all up.

1-2, -3 nuts

i also like DEN +6.5 @ NE, TEN @ MIN o44 and ATL -3 @ WAS. to a lesser degree: GB @ IND u48, MIN -6 vs TEN and SEA +3 @ CAR.

fresh off the jack off session, blue whale's mind is clear for some sunday morning mackshun:

Philadelphia at PITTSBURGH -3.5 (3 nuts)  coming off a bye at full strength Pittsburgh Steelers easy cover against mediocre Eagles who had a divisional win off of the Giants last week.
Eagles 14 Steelers 16 I cannot stand the incompetence of the AFC north.  -3 nuts

Atlanta at WASHINGTON +3 (3 Nuts) I like the many factors in favor for the Redskins in the this matchup.  Mother Nature, the 'skins ground game proper and Atlanta not in a dome.  The team with the natural run game will come out on top in this matchup up.
Falcons 24 Redskins 17 Valient effout by young Cousins who was way over his head.  You cant predict injuries for it is 9 and O.  - 3 nuts

Cleveland at New York Gz -8 (3 nuts) New York humiliated on National TV by a divisional foe.  Giants were their own worst enemy as they gave the gameaway against the Eagles.  The public love fading the Giant's in this matchup as the the line now has been bogged down from -10 to -8.  A low scoring affair and the Giants will be triumphant 27-3.
Brown 27 Giants 41 It was a high scoring affair after all. +3 units

not a good start in the morning.  I also went with Baltimore -6.  Bounce back in the lunchtime with these picks Jacksonville +6.5, New England -6 and Buffalo +10.  No nuts just saying.

Not Your Type

Vice @ WKRP In -3 (3 nuts) Crocket and Tubbs will succumb to Loni Anderson's B.A.Ts to the tune of at least 4.  Yes, I mean Battle Android Troopers.

PHI @ PIT over 44 (3 nuts) Are we talking about crimes committed(alleged or actual) by their respective QB1's?

BAL @ KC +6 (3 nuts) My gut is telling me to go with the Chiefs.  It is also telling me that I have to drop a former Saints running back whose last name is McAllister.
1-2, -3 nuts


record through week 4:
known associate. 7-5. +7 nuts.
billy rubin: 5-7. -6 nuts.
blue whale. +10 nuts
nyt 3-9, -21 nuts

College Football Week 6 Picks

known associate:
usc at UTAH +14 (1 nut)
back on the primetime homedog. also, utes coach kyle whittingham is 12-2 after an open date and 19-6 after a loss. trojans should win but i'm thinking they won't cover the spread.
- trojans 38 utes 28. +1 nut.
utes stormed out to a 14 point lead but still needed to sneak in through the backdoor after a late trojan pick 6 put the cover on life support. usc might have a better receiving corps (WRs and TEs) than a handful of NFL teams. decent bet.

pittsburg at SYRACUSE -2 (1 nut)
these teams seem evenly matched and both are coming off a bye. but the orange are coming off a loss (in which they committed 4 turnovers and 10 penalties) and playing at home in a must-win game. i'll take a shot.
- panthers 13 orange 14. -1 nut.
probably should've mentioned that i always take moneylines up to -130 for non blog pick purposes. 

lsu at florida UNDER 41.5 (1 nut)
laying off a side because i see a typical SEC slugfest that could be decided by a big defensive play. hopefully those defensive plays don't lead to too many TDs.
- tigers 6 gators 14. +1 nuts. ea$y.

georgia at SOUTH CAROLINA -1 (2 nuts)
what i said earlier about moneylines.
- bulldogs 7 gamecocks 35. +2 nuts. ea$y.

texas -0.5 and south caroina +6 TEASER (1 nut)
not feelin the LVH texas line (-7.5) for blog purposes but i do like the longhorns.
- cocks covered easily but... mountaineers 48 longhorns 45. -1 nut.

known associate week 6 results: 3-2. +2 nuts.

2012 NCAA Record through week 5:
known associate: 8-7. -9 nuts
Blue Whale: 1-5. -12 nuts