NFL Week 17 Picks

NYT

NYJ @ BUF -3.5 (2 nuts)
CLE +10 @ PIT (3 nuts)
GB @ MIN +3 (3 nuts)

known associate's wtf happened last night picks:
seriously, i feel like i did some hard drugs. 99% sure i didnt.
DAL +3 at was (3 nuts)
gb at MIN +3 (3 nuts)
gb at min OVER 45.5 (2 nuts)
locked in the over in new orleans last night. would've been a pick. also playin pats 1h.
lean cards too.

billy rubin:
dal at WAS -3 (5 nuts)
dal at was OVER 48.5 (5 nuts)

NFL Week 16 Picks

known associate:
locking two plays in...
no at dal OVER 52 (3 nuts)
the cowboys offense has been better of late and getting demarco back to top form should only help. more importantly, the saints rank 30th in red zone conversion defense (% of TDs allowed) and they're at their worst on the road; allowing a touchdown 72% of the time. brees should get his.
was at phi OVER 45 (3 nuts)
both teams are pretty shitty defensively in the red zone; ranking 26th or worse. reid and foles have nothing to lose and could be motivated to put on a show in their last home game of 2012. weather shouldn't be a factor.
the giants are probably going to be my third play. also considering browns, the unders in gb and nyj, and the over in seattle.
NYG -2 at bal (1 nut)

billy rubin:
PIT -3 vs CIN (3 nuts)
DAL -3 vs NO (3 nuts)
CHI -7 @ AZ (3 nuts)

NYT

IND -5.5 @ KC (3 nuts)
NO +2.5 @ DAL (3 nuts)
STL +3 @ TB (3 nuts)


records through week 15:
known associate: 17-26-2, -21 nuts (week 15: 0-3, -7 nuts)
nyt: 23-21-1, +9 nuts

NFL Week 12 PIcks

billy rubin:
browns +2 (3 nuts)
ravens pk (2 nuts)
packers +3 (2 nuts)

2-1, +3 nuts

known associate:
PIT -1 at cle (3 nuts)
the steeler d always steps up when big ben is out and old man batch is an upgrade over gimpy leftwich.
- steelers 14 browns 20. -3 nuts.
so maybe d'donte wasn't an upgrade over the gimp. or maybe he was. we'll never know because the steelers (mostly running backs) fumbled the ball 6 times. the browns scored 17 points off turnovers yet only won by 4 points.
atl at TB +1 (3 nuts)
the 9-1 falcons should really be about 6-3 and might be looking ahead to their thursday night matchup against the rival saints. they also can't stop the run. and matt ryan is super gay.
- falcons 24 bucs 23. push.
i still think the falcons should be 7-3, at best. though, their run defense acquitted itself nicely (for 1 game, at least). and they're finally giving jacquizz more touches.
bal at SD pk (3 nuts)
this game doesn't mean much to a ravens team traveling cross country while it's a must win for the chargers.
- ravens 16 chargers 13 (ot). -3 nuts.
fuck this game. the ravens clearly didnt give a shit but the chargers still managed to squander a 10 point 4th quarter lead; with the last 3 points coming after a 4th and 29 (!) conversion on a desperation checkdown. even worse, ray rice probably didnt gain the necessary yardage. upon review, they ruled that his knee was down at the 35 yard line and marked the ball at the 33.5 yard line. that's a distance of 4.5 feet. there is no way there could be 4.5 feet between rice's knee and his arms. that dude is 5'7"! shit like this makes me wanna quit betting on the NFL. not that i will or anything.

also playin over in indy, titans, raiders, dolphins.
and i'll be on the rams. ryan lindley is favored. that's stupid.
i like the saints but fear the harbaugh-calypse.
lean pack.
week 12: 0-2-1, -6 nuts.

nyt:
BUF @ IND -2 (3 nuts)
SEA -3 @ MIA (3 nuts)
ATL -1 @ TB (2 nuts)


records through week 11:
known associate: 16-16-1. +2 nuts (last week: 2-1, +1 nut)
billy rubin: 12-20-1, -20 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
not your type 19-14, +14 nuts

Week 11 (Dick) Pic(k)s

This season is so fun so far! This week promises to bring more fun for everyone, something like the Dayman, ah-aaah!

billy rubin:

i don't know how much time i'll have to devote to research and projections, so i'm going to start early with thursday night football.

MIA +3 @ BUF (3 nuts): i'm pretty sure ryan tannehill is more handsome than ryan fitzpatrick so the buffalo LBs and DBs will alternately be blushing and all boned up when they see tannehill in his tight sexy football pants with his augmented dick protector cup bulge. in my honest opinion, that will be the difference in this game - the bills defense playing with boners because of the handsomeness of the dolphins qb. not to take anything away from fitzpatrick though, because i've heard that he has a reputation for having a giant penis and some of the dolphins defenders might get caught thinking about fitzpatrick's big ol' penis on a play action and lose track of cj spiller, who, i presume, is also well endowed in his crotch. basically, it all comes down to penises, per usual. put your money on that!
CLE +7.5 @ DAL (3 nuts): Surely, Trent Richardson has a big penis, and Tony Romo must have a small one, which is why he's always got a new girlfriend - can't keep them satisfied. Plus, Dez Bryant is too busy working on his doctorate to learn his routes. Reverse Cowboy all day!
SD +7.5 @ DEN (3 nuts): Peyton Manning might have the face of a horse, but I doubt that extends to the rest of his anatomy. Philip Rivers didn't get his last name by not being a prolific ejaculator. The luck of the Irish will not be with Willis McGahee this week.

2-1, +3 nuts

known associate:
gb at det OVER 52 (4 nuts)
rodgers and stafford indoors against banged up defenses.
bal at PIT +3.5 (3 nuts)
last play came down to cards, pats, raiders, panthers, or...
CLE +7 at dal (2 nuts)


nyt:
TB -1.5 @ CAR (4 nuts)
CLE +7 @ DAL (3 nuts)
JAX +15 @ HOU (3 nuts)


records through week 10:
known associate: 14-15-1. +1 nut (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)
nyt: 16-14, +4 nuts
billy rubin: 10-19-1, -23 nuts (last week: 0-3, -7 nuts)

NFL Week 10 PIcks: akaFRANK Edition

known associate:
i'm looking at 4 dogs (panthers, titans, bengals and saints) but will wait til the a.m. to lock in any plays as i'm expecting favorable line moves.
denver at CAROLINA +3.5 (3 nuts)
- broncos 36 panthers 14. -3 nuts.
new york giants at CINCINNATI +4 (3 nuts)
- giants 13 bengals 31. +3 nuts.
TENNESSEE +7 at miami (3 nuts)
- titans 37 dolphins 3. +3 nuts.
also playin saints.
- week 10: 2-1, +3 nuts.

Not Your Type
SD @ TB -3 (3 nuts)
DEN -3.5 @ CAR (3 nuts)
OAK @ BAL -7.5 (3 nuts)
3-0, +9 nuts

billy rubin:
i didn't really get to do too much research or analysis this week, and clearly not before any of the morning games, so here goes nothing:
NYJ @ SEA o38.5 (3 nuts)
StL @ SF u37.5 (2 nuts)
SF -13 vs StL (2 nuts) - my projections actually have the rams covering, but screw it, i'm a niner fan (until they start playing games in lowly santa clara)

0-3, -7 nuts

records through week 9:
known associate: 12-14-1. -2 nuts (last week:1-2, -3 nuts)
nyt: 13-14, - 5 nuts
billy rubin: 10-19-1, -16 nuts (last week: 1-1-1, +1 nut)

NFL Week 9 PIcks

billy rubin:

The NFL has been an enigma to me this year and I anticipate Week 9 being no different. There are a couple early games I like, so I figure I'll get those on here tonight and add my third pick sometime tomorrow.

mia @ ind u43 (3 nuts): miami's a pretty good d going against a good, but still young and inexperienced QB. indy is a bad defense going against a pretty bad offense. i am hoping those particular matchups sufficiently suppress scoring on sunday. alliteration!

bal @ cle u44.5 (3 nuts): the ravens have a good offense, but cleveland has a surprisingly good defense. cleveland's offense has shown signs this year and baltimore's defense is far from elite these days, but i think this should be a tight game with tons of non-scoring fo dat ass.

buf @ hou o47.5 (2 nuts)

1-1-1, +1 nut

known associate:
buffalo at houston OVER 47.5 (3 nuts)
BUFFALO +11 at houston (3 nuts)
- bills 9 texans 21. -6 nuts.
miami at indianapolis UNDER 44 (3 nuts)
- dolphins 20 colts 23. +3 nuts.
had a hard time narrowing down my picks this week. i also like (in order) ravens, cowboys, over in jersey, over in nawlins, panthers... over in atl, steelers... bengals, over in dc.
- week 9 results: 1-2. -3 nuts.

not your type:
MIA @ IND +1.5 (3 nuts)
DET -5.5 @ JAX (3 nuts)
TB +1.5 @ OAK (4 nuts)
3-0, +10 nuts


records through week 8:
known associate: 11-12-1. +1 nut (last week:1-2, -3 nuts)
nyt: 10-14, -15 nuts
billy rubin: 9-15, -17 nuts (last week: 2-1, +3 nuts)

NFL Week 8 Picks

Not Your Type

NE -7 @ STL (3 nuts)
MIA @ NYJ -1 (2 nuts)
SD @ CLE +3 (2 nuts)
2-1, + 3 nuts

known associate:
atlanta at PHILADELPHIA -3 (3 nuts)
- falcons 30 eagles 17. -3 nuts.
MIAMI +1 at new york jets (3 nuts)
- dolphins 30 jets 9. +3 nuts.
WASHINGTON +4.5 at pittsburg (3 nuts)
- redskins 12 steelers 27. -3 nuts.
next biggest plays are cowboys and patriots
- week 8 results: 1-2, -3 nuts.

billy rubin:
guess i'm too late for the morning games, so i'll pick from the later games.
NO +6 @ DEN (3 nuts)
NYG -2.5 @ DAL (3 nuts)
SF @ AZ u38 (3 nuts)
as for the morning games, i really like(d) ATL +3 @ PHI and under in SEA @ DET, and to a lesser extent overs in JAX @ GB, SD @ CLE and MIA @ NYJ, and CHI -7.2 vs CAR.

2-1, +3 nuts

records through week 7:
known associate: 10-10-1. +4 nuts (last week:1-1-1, -2 nuts)
nyt: 8-13, -18 nuts
billy rubin: 7-14, -20 nuts (last week: 1-2, -4 nuts)

NFL Week 7 Picks

Not Your Type

I will blame this week's failures on making picks at 4:00 AM.  Here they go:

WAS +6 @ NYG (5 nuts)
CLE @ IND -1.5 (3 nuts)
TEN +3.5 @ BUF (2 nuts
3-0, +10 nuts

known associate:
BALTIMORE +7 at houston (4 nuts)
- ravens 13 texans 43. -4 nuts.
WASHINGTON +6 at new york giants (2 nuts)
- redskins 23 giants 27. +2 nuts.
ARIZONA +7 at minnesota (1 nut)
- cardinals 14 vikings 21. push.
also playin cle, jac, over in hou, over in buf.
and over in cin.
- known associate week 7 results: 1-1-1, -2 nuts.

billy rubin:
BAL +7 @ HOU (4 nuts)
CLE +1 vs IND (3 nuts)
WAS +6 @ NYG (3 nuts)

1-2, -4 nuts

records through week 6:
known associate. 9-9. +6 nuts. (last week: 2-1, +7 nuts)
nyt: 5-13, -28 nuts
billy rubin: 6-12, -16 nuts (last week: 0-3, -7 nuts)

Get In Your Skin Like a Dermatologist

A$AP Rocky is nothing new to the blogosphere and neither is his fellow A$AP Mob member A$AP Ferg, who just happens to be my favorite new rapper of 2012. He's a borderline lyrical genius. Listening to his verses is like listening to an Eddie Van Halen guitar solo...if Eddie was on lean and listened only to mid-90s Memphis rap. Not to take anything away from the rest of A$AP Mob, but Fergie's songs/verses are the clear highlights of the A$AP catalog in my opinion. With that in mind, I decided to make a little greatest hits mix of all the Ferg songs and features I have. Nothing too fancy, just some easy listening crazy ass rapping. Check out the mix here.

Image via who-shot-ya.com

NFL Week 6 Picks

Not Your Type

DAL @ BAL -3.5 (4 nuts)
Edgar Allen Poe's Favorite Avian Creatures will be the ones who shot JR...if they could shoot guns and if JR were the opposite team.  Then they would go to jail but be acquitted of any wrongdoing.  

 STL + 5.5 @ MIA (3 nuts)
The Mountain Sheep have been making a habit of winning when they aren't expected to win.  Happy Water Mammals may not be so happy after this game.

OAK @ ATL over 49 (3 nuts)
The Southern Birds of Prey can score 49 all by their lonesome.  Let's see if the Pillagers of Fortune feel like contributing.
1-2, -4 nuts

known associate:
GREEN BAY +3.5 at houston (5 nuts)
- packers 42 texans 24. +5 nuts.
DALLAS +3.5 at baltimore (3 nuts)
- cowboys 29 ravens 31. +3 nuts.
new york giants at san francisco OVER 46 (1 nut)
- giants 26 49ers 3. -1 nut.
also like broncos, raiders, skins, over in houston
- week 6 results: 2-1. +7 nuts.

Blue Whale:
over in atlanta, patriots, jets (3 nuts each)

Billy Rubin:
patriots (3 nuts), cardinals, vikings (2 nuts each)

0-3, -7 nuts

records through week 5:
known associate. 7-8. -1 nut. (last week: 0-3, -8 nuts)
nyt: 4-11, -24 nuts
billy rubin: 6-9, -9 nuts (last week: 1-2, -3 nuts)

Divisional Weekend Preview - Part 1

The following is some expert analysis for the Bears-Seahawks game that will take place this Sunday in Chicago. Feel free to use this inside information as you please.

10:49 AM billy rubin: i kinda like seattle again this weekend

opening line is chicago -10

i think it should be closer to chicago -5

10:50 AM not your type: What's the weather forecast?

10:51 AM br: is the game saturday or sunday?

it's sunday

low 20s/high teens

partly cloudy

10:52 AM 0% chance of precipitation

but it's supposed to snow on saturday

nyt: Hmmm

Interesting

br: that forecast will probably change by sunday though

nyt: Yeah

10:53 AM I think if it's ugly, I like the bears

br: there are a lot of things to consider though

10:54 AM both teams' return games

and both teams' qb's liking to throw to the opposition

and both teams' inability to run the ball

damn, fuck the seahawks if they advance to the nfc championship game

hahaha

10:55 AM nyt: I think the bears will win simply because in the would a bear would definitely eat a seahawk

10:56 AM In the wild

br: but a seahawk could shit on a bear

and taunt the bear with fish from the sea

all it has to do is not go within striking distance of the bear

10:57 AM and attack stealthily from behind with its talons

nyt: But a bear can have tissue crumbs on its ass

br: that is true

if tv has taught me anything in the last few years, that is it

10:58 AM byt: Once a seahawk can do that, I might change my mind

Fin.