NFL Week 3 Picks: Marisa Miller Edition

because she's a niner fan.

Billy Rubin texted:
49ERS -7 at minnesota (3 nuts)
SF 13 MIN 24. -3 nuts
buffalo at BROWNS +3 (3 nuts)
BUF 24 CLE 14. Late cover by BUF, but a loss nonetheless. -3 nuts
TEXANS -1.5 at denver (2 nuts)
HOU 31 DEN 25. +2 nuts
Week: 1-2 -4 nuts
Season: 3-6 - 10 nuts 

known associate:
small morning plays on the under in miami, over in new orleans, bears, bucs and titans.
back in a bit to nut up.
- chi, tb, ten all covered. the over pushed and the under lost, both in OT.

atlanta at CHARGERS -3 (3 nuts)
i'm still not buying the falcons as an elite team. the broncos handed them the ball 4 times (while they commited no turnovers of their own) yet only won by 6, at home. plus, it's rough going west after an east coast MNF game. the last time a team covered in this dynamic was 1998.
- falcons 27 chargers 3. -3 nuts. 
the falcons are an elite team.

houston at BRONCOS +2 (2 nuts)
von miller and elvis dumervill provide the first big test for this texans o-line. also, peyton manning angry.
- texans 31 broncos 25. -2 nuts.
this marked the first time since peyton's rookie season that he didn't cover as a home dog. teasers covered though.. yay.

PATRIOTS +3 at baltimore (3 nuts)
speaking of angry. motivated pats team have been profitable in the brady/belichick era (21-11-1 ATS as underdog, 11-1 ATS as a dog coming off a loss). i'll take tom and bill with a week to adjust to the loss of aaron hernandez.
- patriots 30 ravens 31. +3 nuts.
replacement ref ineptitude was on full display in primetime but i'll take the result. the bet covered while torrey smith was raised up on angel's wings to lead his team to victory.
known associate week 3 results: 1-2. -2 nuts.

Not Your Type texted:
FALCONS +3 at san diego (3 nuts)
LIONS -3.5 at tennessee (3 nuts)
new england at RAVENS -3 (3 nuts)
2-1, +3 nuts

and Blue Whale texted:
atlanta at CHARGERS -3 (3 nuts)
Falcons 27 Chargers 3 I assumed that the Falcons would falter on the road.  With the return of Ryan Mathews, I thought the the Chargers would have the final piece in the offense that would make them competent in the scoring game.  It is clear that San Diego is missing a true stud wide reciever or tight end. (-3 nuts)

pittsburg at RAIDERS +3.5 (3 nuts)
Steelers 31 the Greatness 34 ballsy pick on my part.  Too much action on Pittsburgh to not take the
Raiders.  Kudos for McFadden for coming through, God Bless to DHB.  (3 nuts)

eagles at cardinals UNDER 42 (3 nuts)
Eagles 6 Cardinals 27 the way the Cardinals defense has been performing at home, I thought that they were good enough to stop the Eagles putrid offense.  In turn, I did not trust Kolb's arm and decision making to overcome any opponent.  (3 nuts)

blue whale's week 3 results 3 nuts

record through week 2:
known associate. 3-3. no nuts.

NFL Week 2 Picks

loving the early start for Thursday Night Football this year. more opportunities to be a degenerate.

known associate:
i got my ass handed to me in week 1 but can't stop, won't stop...

CHICAGO +5 at green bay (2 nuts)
i don't exactly love this play but, at this point, i'm not sure there are 3 plays i'll like more this week. here are my reasons (in no particular order):
- packers are overrated. apparently, the public still envisions this team as the juggernaut they were for most of the past 2 seasons but it's looking more and more like they've been exposed (past 5 games: 1 ATS win, 3 straight up losses). and it's looking like the formula is this: good pass rush + good run d out of base or nickel/dime packages + play secondary deep. niners executed this perfectly. bears have the personnel to do an adequate job. we'll see if mccarthy and rodgers finally adjust.
- greg jennings is banged up, possibly out.
- packers secondary made alex smith look like aaron rodgers and only had 3 days to fix their problems.
- without a pass rush, packers d is ordinary at best. 2012 first round draftee, and supposed pass rush specialist, nick perry hasn't shown up yet.
- pretty sure the rival bears have been prepping for this matchup all summer after getting swept by the pack last season.
fade or follow. bears team total over 23 might be a safer bet, if available.
this is jay cutler's wifey...

- da bears 10 pack 23. -2 nuts
can't stop, won't stop... losing. both o-lines played like crap but rodgers is rodgers and cutler is cutler. and the packers didn't need nick perry because clay matthews played like it was 2010. still, if the fake FG touchdown and/or brandon marshall drop in the endzone went the other way my actual bet (chi +6.5) might've covered. that's what i'm telling myself, at least. but this was a lay off game, at best. bleh.

2 more picks to follow...
shit, almost forgot.
BAL +3 at phi (2 nuts)
HOU -6.5 at jac (3 nuts)
don't feel too great about these.
- and both hit. +5 nuts.
known assoicate week 2: 2-1. +3 nuts.

billy rubin:

man, i'm glad i'm lazy and i didn't pick chicago as one of my three picks because i thought that was a no-brainer. turns out, you need to have no brain to trust jay cutler with your hard-earned greenbacks. this is a pretty tough week with a few marquee matchups that oddsmakers appear to be right on about and a bunch of garbage games where all types of ridiculousness might happen. that said, i gotta make three picks and here they are:

BAL +2.5 @ PHI (3 nuts): come on now, seriously? am i missing something here. philly has a good D, but they could barely muster enough points to beat the browns last week. i'm sure this is too good to be true, but, damn, ain't much else this week.

BAL @ PHI under 46.5 (3 nuts): umm, two good defenses and one mediocre, maybe crappy offense? i'll take that.

BAL 23 PHI 24. Hit on the Ravens and the points; loss on the under by half a point. No net nuts. 

TEN +7 @ SD (2 nuts): yes, yes, banged up jake locker, titans on the road, blah, blah, blah. titans aren't awful and they're playing the chargers. this is about as good as it gets this week.

TEN 10 SD 38. Loss. Good lesson to re-learn every season: don't bet on a crappy offense to cover for you. -2 nuts

Week: 1-2 -2 nuts
Season: 2-4 -6 nuts 

blue whale says:

dang Jay Cutler's breezie is a straight up mynx.  No write ups with my picks today, I am shell shocked from the losses I took from Saturday's Collits Football Wagers.  When they interviewed Matt Barkley after the loss by Stanford Cardinals, that man looked like he wanted to cry...I was and am that man.

Kansas City Chiefs at Buffalo Bills -3 ( 3 nuts)
Chiefs 17 Bills 35.  a high scoring affair  in which young spiller churned out another outstanding game in Fred Jackson'S steed.  +3 nuts

Washington Redskins -3 at St Louis Rams (3 nuts)
Redskins 28 Rams 31 Greasy the Third could not pull enough tricks out of his repretoire to over come the home team. -3 nuts

New York Jets at Pittsburgh Steelers -5 (4 nuts)
Jets 10 Steelers 27 Steeltown needed this win for the home openner.  +4 nuts

Josh McDaniels is garbage so is Pete Carroll but at least he gave Marshawn the rock.  Cowboys and the Pats both came out flatter than Kate Middleton's exposed left and right breasts.  The NFC West has become the premier divivion and the Seattle secondary has next to nil competition.  When Russell Wilson took of his helmet to expose his good hair, two things ran across my mind: 1. Hindis across the globe finally can praise they have an American Football athlete to call their own and 2. Tubbs should stick to pastel suits and slip on shoes with no socks.  We have a Schism in the NFL  between Killer Cam and Greasy the Third.  The hardest runner this Sunday was Dwyer...everybody else had the cupcake matchups.

blue whale's week 2 results 4 nuts


Not Your Type

Somewhere in the outer-space are my week 1 picks.  Billy Rubin has proof that they exist.  I swear.

Arizona @ New England -13.5 (2 nuts) - This match up is based on the handsomeness of QBs.  I'm pretty sure that Tom Brady is 13.5 units better looking than Kevin Kolb. 

Cleveland @ Cincinnati Under 39.5 (3 nuts) - Can the Bengals score all 39 points?

 Washington -3.5 @ St. Louis (5 nuts) - RGIII will hurdle Rams players like there are foot-long turkey subs in the endzone en route to eating hella turkey and avocado and at least a 4 point victory.
0-3, -10 nuts



image via tylershields.com

NFL Week 1 Picks

Are you ready for some borderline racism???

The NFL is back and Barack Obama is a Muslim who hates farming. What more is there to say?

Here are our picks for Week 1:

billy rubin:

PHI @ CLE under 43 (2 nuts): Cleveland's football team is clearly named after Leroy Brown, because they are bad, bad, baddest team in the whole NFL perhaps. For what it's worth, which is probably nothing, this pick was almost over 47 in CAR @ TB.

NO -8 vs. WAS (3 nuts): Redskins will win the battle of face grease and having players that look like Three Stacks, but the Saints will win the battle of scoring a lot more points than your opponent.

DET -8.5 vs. STL (3 nuts): Pretty sure lions kill rams in the wilderness and even if that's not the case, it will be on the gridiron on Sunday.

known associate:
mia at HOU -12.5 (3 nuts)
- dolphins 10 texans 30. +3 nuts. ea$y.
stl at DET -8.5 (3 nuts)
- rams 23 lions 27. -3 nuts. stafford threw 2 red zone interceptions and another pick-6. that's at least a 13 point swing right there. bad beat. fisher is still a good coach though.
- sf at GB -4.5 (3 nuts)
niners 30 packers 22. -3 nuts. go niners! i'll never bet against jim harbaugh in week 1 again.

Blue Whale sayin late:

ALL MNF PICKS

NATI +6.5 at Balt
these games always play close to the vest.  And i might be crazy but Baltimore is a declining team especially in the secondary.  AJ green and rook Mohammed Sanu are going to run crazy all over that field.  I'm keeping my eye on baltimore rookies Tommy Streater from the U and Courtney Upshaw from the tide both have potential to contribute on their respective postions of the ball. ( 2 nuts)
i didnt account for the inept football security of young Dalton who fumbled the ball and over threw a pass for a pick six.  Also there was a terrible call on a boldin reception that should have been ruled an incompletion because he clearly did not have possession of the football as it touched the grass when he landed in the end zone.  Ravens looked scary good. -2 nuts
Diego at -1 The Town
i am going with the hometeam in this matchup and San Diego always starts the season on a slow and sour note. I love the Raiders Recievers, these boys have Hort (that's gangsterism for 'heart') plus its an extra added bonus that they drafted Juron Criner who was unhearalded coming out of the sun devils.  I expect DMC to have a good game and a good year.  (4 nuts) this was a garbage game that had no discipline of both teams on both sides of the ball.  I fooled my self thinking that Raiders were the better of the team.  - 4 nuts

Diego at The Town over 47.0
my fingers hurt (3 nuts) -3 nuts

but....from what i've seen on sunday: Panther's fadeable newton is exposed.  pete carroll is on some bullshit and he needs to invest in superglue for his recievers.  julio jones is the blue notes to matt ryan's Harold Melvin.  The Saints needed Vilma on D harder than a hog needs slop (nothing to take away from Greasy the Third).  Niners are the reason why Nortenos world wide are banging harder this season. and peyton Manning's multiple neck surgeries were a cover up to turn that dude into the quarterback version of Robocop, i mean he did all that without even grinning. word to Andre Ward.. more after monday night my good people.

2012 records through week 1:
known associate: 1-2. -3 nuts.
billy rubin. 1-2. -4 nuts.
Blue Whale: 0-3. -9 nuts.

ouch.

Wild Card Weekend

This post is a little late, and I'm not sure if the other guys are going to be posting anything, but here are my (billy rubin's) picks for Wild Card Weekend:

SEA +10 vs. NO: This one's not looking so good right now, but it's early yet.

IND -2 vs. NYJ: I'm not terribly confident about this game; I think it's going to be ugly and either team could win, but I'm going with the Colts for our purposes here.

GB +2.5 @ PHI: I'm more confident about this game. I expect the Packers to win straight up, but I'll gladly take the points.

...............................................

known associate:
BAL -3 @ kc
bal-kc UNDER 40.5
GB +2.5 @ phi