The Best Album of 2012 and Why the Niners Didn't Win the Super Bowl

I finally figured out why the Niners had to lose the NFC Championship. First of all, if they had beaten the Giants, like they should have, they would've gone on to handily defeat the Patriots and Tom Brady's handsomeness in the Super Bowl. Then I would have been super happy. But then two days later (today) the new Van Halen album would've come out and I would've listened to it and found out that it sounds like vintage David Lee Roth-era Van Halen, which would've totally blown my mind. The Niners winning the Super Bowl and Van Halen making a legitimately great album in 2012 clearly would have combined to kill me with joy. Thus, the Niners had to lose because they didn't want me to die. Thank you, Kyle Williams, you saved my life.

Go buy A Different Kind of Truth by Van Halen right now, otherwise you don't love America.

Image via moviespad.com.

Joe Montana, G.O.A.T./Peyton Manning, Goat.

i try to avoid having hate in my heart but, last night, Peyton Manning's failure gave me great joy... and it probably had something to do with hate in my heart. all week, the media was proclaiming his greatness and setting the stage for Manning to lay claim as the greatest of all time. all this for a quarterback who entered this postseason with a sub .500 career postseason record. dont get me wrong, i think Peyton's a good one. a great one, even. at worst, he's one of the top 3 QBs of his generation. but the greatest of all time? please.

all-time greats do thangs like this: